8 Offbeat Things To Do On This New Years Eve!

So this is again dat time of the year-when we reaffirm dat the time flies. 2015 is coming to an end and we all are busy in making plans for the evening. So why not choose an offbeat way to pray goodbye to this year and get JSON 2016.

Dress to Dance - Dress for the occasion in an eye-catching, marble. Because algemeen New Year's mood is wild as your style needs to reflect that. To leave a lasting impression with your hosts and the other guests, choose a daring, glitzy outfit and appropriately daring shoes and accessories. Finish your look with highlighting your best facial features with dramatic makeup. There are not many occasions-when-you-can get away with wearing a sequined dress. On New Year's Eve, however, sequins are not only welcome, but classic.

Movie marathon  invite people in comfy clothes hun for some colorful evergreen movies in English and Hindi zowel buckets.  Schedule toilet breaks and als lycra film will finish and start. Lay out drinks, popcorns, Machos, set out a snack and drink table somewhere in the house so people kan walk to get a beverage or hun choice. Make sure your guests are happy with hun visit and harbor an exciting time!

Bollywood Theme Party -  Can you imagine life without Bollywood? The Silver screen spreads and sells not just DRAMs but captivates the hearts of young boys and girls. The Sizzling and sheen decor kan turn a simple party hallinto an extravagant movie set. Cover the walls with the posters or latest movies and hit. Ask everyone to fancy dress his favorite actor or re Zeenat Aman life, Kareena Kapoor, Kajol, Sharukh, Amitabh, dev Anand etc.

Entertainment Entertainment Entertainment !!  Has to be the mantra for the evening. U can plan umpteen numbers of games to entertain the guests. Like -Antakshari and Dumb Sharads, Give the English translation of the Hindi songs, Identify the Dialogues ...

A Slumber Party or Pajama party dat we call.  This is such a relaxing way to celebrate and has always favorite way to celebrate. You can learn pretty creative-when thinking about themes. Like spa theme party. Have Those wonderful face pack, sea salt, sugar scrub, a masseur to give dat 10 mins foot massage lycra and so on. Let the people trade pedicures and gossip untilteh lights go out.   

Complete Detox on an organic farm house - Go for that complete detoxification with focus on stress reduction, immunity, rejuvenation, cleansing and nurturing of the body, mind and soul. Before starting 2016 notice us recognizing the belang or eating Healthily and thinking positively disposed dat is the basis of the all science. This will leave you feeling 'completely Recharged and better-able to deal with the everyday Demands at home and at work. A healthier body, complete relaxation and Clarity of mind await you to take in 2016 on fear.

Head To The After Party -  it Could be anything. May be a bonfire on the terrace, garden or cozying up at home near dat small corner fireplace. New Year's Eve are always chilly enough for Those Sizzling gossips and reason enough to Snuggle close to your crush. It's definitely fun alternative to dancing, plus there is no way the host will get hurt house after party madness.

Explore Goa - If you are planning a quick vacation-then Goa is one place dat is Meant for all childhood or celebrations. One does not really need a reason to visit Goa though, it makes for an ideal destination for almost anything. This New Year's Eve u can sit back and relax on the exotic beaches in Goa or u can explore the Churches and all child or nightlife and party hopping places there.

Finally pray  goodbye  in a way Sizzling -   pHIR Milenge Chalte Chalte !!

6 Things Single Parents should always remember:

1.  Single parents have to deal with many tough questions. The most common one, "where is my daddy/mummy”? One has to handle these questions in a very tactful and matured manner to ensure that the children clearly understand the responsibilities of a single parent and also respect that. Being a single parent can be really tough, but it is not impossible. Best way to handle your kid’s innocent questions is to be truthful to them and by doing so you will definitely earn their respect.

2.  Always understand that its ok to feel lost and its even more ok to follow that some days are better spent in bed. Take your time and bounce back.  It takes confidence, resilience and courage and each in double the amount. First thing which one has to sort out in one’s head is that you are not alone, because there are many children who are living with single parent. Once you start venturing out you will notice far more single parent than you imagined.

3.  Sometimes the memories are what keep us from moving on, but eventually all things fall into place. Until then, what you must believe in is that everything happens for a reason. Remember, no storm lasts forever. Hold on! Be brave! Have faith! Every storm is temporary and we're never alone. So the best way is to calm yourself, take life one-step at a time. You have rest of the life to plot and plan. 

4. It’s obvious to have fears, which is why we have friends and family. Confide in them for sound advice and comfort. Get a grip of you earnings, savings and investments. Ensure that you work double of what you were doing, so that you make more than you can spend, have that contingency fund available. You must strategize and ensure three goals on the priority list i.e – buying a home, saving for your child’s college, investing for retirement.

5.  Don't cry over the past, it's gone. Don't stress about the future, it hasn't arrived. Live in the present and make it count. Life goes on. Always remember that. Get control of your life. Take that mentor out for lunch to explore opportunities in your profession.

6.   Silence speaks when words can't. Over-thinking will destroy you; just forgive them because you are strong enough to know people do make mistakes. Get real with yourself. Start making each personal and financial decision a conscious one and not out of that impulse. You will feel more empowered and confident about your life and money.

7.   You learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than at the beginning. Anybody’s life isn't perfect, but be thankful for everything you have because the fact is that you never know how good you have it until you hear someone else's story.

Remember getting back on your feet after that breakup can be a long process full of emotional and financial setbacks. But not to forget this can also be most exciting and empowering times of your life. So take it to your stride.

 Tôbe Êkla chôlo, êkla chôlo, êkla chôlo, êkla chôlo re

Open thy mind walk alone
Be not afraid, walk alone

5 Reasons why “All that glitters is not gold”. “Har Chamakti Cheez Sona Nahi Hoti”.

This is dedicated to all the new MOMs to be MOMs and Teenage daughters.

Outward appearance can be extremely misleading. Lets take an example. Like Fairy tales “Happily ever after” - what exactly this means? Is there any story to prove that “happily ever after exists”? Well I haven’t read any. Ok! So basis my observations, and self-experience let me try to take you to the world of ever after… 

I always wonder why world’s greatest love stories never had a happy ending? Because there is nothing called “Happily ever after” Its Just a MYTH. Why do all fairy tales, Mills and Boons and other romantic stories ends at “Happily ever after”. Because there is no story after that, it’s only a struggle. A wrestle within. More often, there may not be one reason that you can pinpoint, but a series of reasons for why things doesn’t remain the same or even somewhere close to what you had imagined while entering into that bond.

Tips to replace “Happily Ever After” into a Contented and peaceful life would be:

1.     Stop analyzing life because it only makes it more complicated. It’s much easier to just live it. Personally I am afraid that if I think too much about everything that could have been, and never was, I will only fall into a dark hole and will gradually loose touch with myself. It’s just not worth it

2.    Be smart to understand that life is no storybook where 1st chapter starts with “Once upon a time” and ends with “Happily ever after”. There is ZERO possibility of any Prince charming coming and telling you “No matter what you do, I will always find you”. For those beautiful sweethearts out there who are less aware, let me warn you, Prince charming is just an IDEA. He is just a fiction hero of every Fairy tale and doesn’t exist in reality.

3.    Don’t disillusion your life for figment of imagination. Remember dreaming isn’t as simple as it seems. In fact it is quiet dangerous. Always remember that when you dream, you must make a choice of what price to pay.

4.    Remove your rose tinted glasses and start seeing world as it is. I live in a fantasy world and I realize that i feel I am lying every day to myself and I don’t know where I am heading. It is like being one of those fallen dead leaves on the ground, who lived thinking it would be everlasting and dies without knowing exactly why? Who loved sun, moon, stars, seas and mountains, who believed in fairy tales and its perfect world and some day died wondering.

5.    Eventually all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moments, and know everything happens for a reason. Finally, Time will march on.

At the end, having said all about the world where our fantasy shatters when it meets reality, just try imagining your life without your spouse; what bothers you the most? Exactly! This feeling which the question has given you is "your answer". For most of us it’s the companionship, which we don’t want to let go off. The very thought of coming back to an empty home not for days but for rest of our lives is very gut wrenching. Actions have power, its better to make best of what we have rather than procrastinating over things that doesn’t exist.

6 Important Life Lessons I Learnt After Being Away From Home, Which made me believe that hostel life cant be ignored for Children.

I was lucky to be born and bought up in a middle class, which prioritized academics. Thankfully ours was a gender-neutral family. May be this is one of the reasons why till date it remains a mystery to me that if my parents in 20th century in a place like Bihar have such an open outlook why can’t parents of 21st century think the same. Both my parents encouraged my education. I could have got away with anything in the name of education. I was good in academics but that was purely by chance, I was never too ambitious, someone getting more marks never bothered me. My primary objective was to have fun in life, be with friends, go to parties, volunteer for NGO, art, etc. with a motive to keep me outside house so that I can get my share of freedom and fun. Time passed and I reached 12th std and I hadn’t made any life goals yet. Only objective was to score in 12th exam so that I can get admission in Delhi University and get a chance to start staying on my own, away from parent’s restrictions and have a life of my own. The idea of staying on my own, experience independence, taking decisions - good, bad, ugly, facing the outside world, experience life, night life in particular, negative, positive, all was very thrilling and exciting. Thankfully without much genuine effort I managed good rank, which got me admission in Miranda House Delhi University. Now why this particular college? Well this was the only condition of my father to let me live in a strange city (actually in this college his friend’s daughters were also studying which made him feel more in control) and since I was too obsessed with the idea of living on my own so I readily agreed to his wish (though secretly I had always wanted to go to Hindu or HansRaj). 

I was seventeen, sort of confident, sort of not, but eager for adventure. We didn’t have mobile phones, only hand written letters and telephone booth, which meant limited communication with parents. I knew things would change. I will be out of the shield and protected environment. A bit scared and a bit excited. I left home with a bag full of cloths and two bags full of books.

I remember going out on my own, chatting/gossiping whole night, sleeping whole day, eating Maggie for lunch, bunking classes, etc…etc. It was an amazing sense of independence, and this staying away from the “comfort” and “protected” environment of home did teach me some valuable life lessons which otherwise were very difficult to know. Few of which are:

1.      The value of that phone calls from home. When at home we craved for some private time with friends and now nothing is more joyous that one phone call flashing on screen “Maa” or “Papa”

2.   Realizing that living on own is not as cool as we use to fantasize when we are “stuck” at home.

3.  Financial management. All of sudden you discover newfound respect for your father who has been doing this behind the scenes for the family all these years.

4.  You realize your mother is a human with magic powers. There is simply no other explanation for how she manages to keep the whole house clean and in place when you don't even know where to begin when it comes to making up your own bed. Forget the rest.

5.   Food at the right time and temperature is a myth. Unless of course, you are somewhere in the vicinity of the magician mentioned above. Gradually like me you too will develop love for cold food.

6.   You have to take each decision (career and relationships) and have to take the onus of it. There is no chance of faltering. This in my eyes has been the biggest challenge of all.

And perhaps because of these reasons I strongly believe that making a child stay in the hostel at some point in his academic lifetime is very important for his character development.

 P.S – and this will become your all time favorite nostalgic song:

If you miss the train I'm on, you will know that I am gone
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles,
A hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles,
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.

Not a shirt on my back, not a penny to my name
Lord I can't go back-home this a-way
This a-away, this a-way, this a-way, this a-way,
Lord I can't go back-home this a-way.

5 Lessons Which You Will Relate To If You Have Ever Read Fairy Tales.

So many years of my existence and I am still reeling and totally unaware to come to terms with what I have been through. Sometimes I feel it’s the ‘women thing’ - That inherited urge to go back to home and be with our loved ones only to feel unvalued. Sometimes I blame it to the fairy tales, which have been an integral part of my growing up. They have certainly disillusioned me from the REAL WORLD for a long-long time, but finally I have gained my wisdom and have derived the ‘real’ lesson out of them, which I was unable to see through rose-tinted glasses.

“Cinderella” and her beautiful story, a timeless romantic fantasy that is still buried in some corner of my heart. A story about the power of goodness, optimism, glittery balls, glass slippers and THE Prince Charming? Later in my teens I bought a glass slipper for myself too. The story taught me that whenever I will be treated unfairly and unkindly, a fairy godmother will appear from nowhere to rescue me, and finally I will meet my prince charming who will wait for me, search me high and low till the time he finds me only to sweep me off my feet and we will live happily ever after. Alas! Real Life is anything but a Cinderella story. And this is exactly the lesson I learnt.

1.   One must keep picking oneself up as; life is not a Cinderella story. Coming from my experience heartbreaks are indeed one of the best thing to happen. They make you who you are and hence be thankful to all who caused them, wish them good and let them go. FOREVER. After all we can’t judge the whole tree by one bad Apple! Now I totally believe that whatever happens, happens for good. Our shattered dreams breaks our heart but, only later we realize that our plans was wrecked by GOD only because he knew that it would have wrecked us otherwise.

2. I continued to pursue the knight in shinning armor who will slay the dragon, pick the rose and clip the thorns, until I grew up and experience life and relationships on my own, hence can now vouch to the fact that a girl abandoning her life for a boy is a total rubbish, because dragon-slaying knights exists only in fairy tales. The real dragon never dies.

3. One must have the courage to go beyond one’s comfort zone, and find a place that one feels more at home, because it takes a real brave soul to break expectation of everyone else and stand for what you think is RIGHT. Irrespective.

4. One has to learn to deal with the scary situations does this not happen in our real life too that sweet little pig gets eaten by the big bad wolf? Hence, it is important that we prepare ourselves to fight that "wolf" and not be the "sweet little pig”. It actually showed us that we all have to live a cautionary life with awful things happening to us all the time and there nothing like perfect life -- Life is indeed a bed of roses with thorns in it. Live with it. Deal with it.

5. Time Marches On - Even the powerful witches, stepmothers and all the evils in all the possible forms can never take away your destiny and will not be able to stop the inexorable march of the time.

Is Old age worrying you ?-- Take Charge !!

The life expectancy in India has been rising steadily in the last few decades, so have the costs of medical treatment. For senior citizens, who have a lack of regular income or financial support from children, unfortunately, this could also lead to a financial crisis. Plus, gone are the days when parents can rely on living with their children. In such a scenario, The Reverse Mortgage, introduced by the Union Government in 2007, is an answer to such issues faced by senior citizens, giving them a life of dignity.

Reverse Mortgage Loan (RML) enables a Senior Citizen i.e. above the age of 60 years to AVAIL of PERIODICAL PAYMENTS from a lender against the mortgage of his/her house while remaining the owner and occupying the house.

A reverse mortgage in a simple term is just “opposite” of a Home Loan, because like in the traditional mortgage, here the payback stream is reversed.  Instead of making monthly payments to a lender, as with a traditional mortgage, the lender makes payments to the borrower. Which means that it is a loan available to (i) Homeowners (Self occupied residential house/flat where the titles are clear; and the life of the property is more than 20 years) (ii) who are 60 years or older, this enables them to convert part of the equity in their home into cash. 

This product was conceived as a means to help retirees with limited income use the accumulated wealth in their homes to cover basic monthly living expenses and pay for health care. However, there is no restriction for how reverse mortgage proceeds can be used.

The Senior Citizen borrower is not required to service the loan during his/her lifetime and therefore does not make monthly repayments of principal and interest to the lender. With a reverse mortgage, you always retain title or ownership of the home. The lender never, at any point, owns the home even after the last surviving spouse permanently vacates the property.

The loan is repaid when your home is sold, upon your death, or when your home is no longer your primary residence. The bank first gives an option to the next of kin to settle the loan along with accumulated interest, without sale of property. If the next of kin is unable to settle the loan, the bank then opts to recover the same from the sale proceeds of the property.

With a Home Equity Conversion Mortgage, you can receive a fixed monthly amount for a specified period of time, fixed monthly cash benefit for as long as you live in your home.

The amount of funds that a person is eligible for - depends on his age (or, in the case of couples the age of the younger spouse), the value of the home, the interest rate and upfront costs. The older you are, the more proceeds you may receive. Even though, as long as you live in the home, you are not required making any monthly payments towards the loan balance, but you must remain current on your property taxes etc. Any lapse in these policies can trigger a default on your loan.

The Reserve Bank of India has formulated the following guidelines for a reverse mortgage.

•   Maximum loan amount would be up to 60% of the value of the residential property.

•   Maximum tenure of the mortgage is 15 years and minimum is 10 years. Some banks are now also offering a maximum tenure of 20 years.

•   Option of monthly, quarterly, annual or lump sum loan payment.

•   Property revaluation to be undertaken by the lender once every 5 years (The quantum of loan may undergo revisions based on such re-valuation of property at the discretion of the lender and If at such time, the valuation has increased, borrowers have the option of increasing the quantum of the loan. In such a case, they are given the incremental amount in lump sum)

However before opting this, as a regular income option lender must analyse all income sources -- including pensions, look closely at how much money is left over after paying typical living expenses.

Teaching kids about money is never just about money – Dave Ramsey

As children grow, they begin to understand what money is by observing us buying toys and chocolates for them handing over that colored paper to the shopkeeper, which is called “money.” While they start realizing that we need money to buy things, it is equally important to help them understand that they cannot buy everything they want, and that not everything is worth buying.

In my opinion, it is never too early to start teaching children about the value of money and the importance of saving.

There are several ways in which we can encourage our children to understand the concepts of budgeting, saving, and investing.

To begin with, on a child’s birthday, we can gift them a piggy bank so they start saving a fixed amount every month. It is important that children get used to the idea of allocating money for spending, saving, and sharing at a very young age.

At a certain age, children are heavily influenced by their peers. They may become more aware of high-priced sneakers or designer jeans and may strongly desire such items. This presents the perfect opportunity to help them set financial goals. If they wish to buy a big-ticket item such as a video game or designer clothing, we can guide them to write down a savings plan and work towards it. These experiences help reinforce the discipline and satisfaction of saving.

We can also have family discussions about finances, such as paying for the house, groceries, fuel, or vacations. As parents, we must lead by example in the way we handle money. For instance, when children are young, we do not need to buy them expensive designer labels. Even if we can afford them, we should avoid sending the message that the most expensive item is always the best, or that money can buy happiness. Children rarely notice the label on the back of their shirt but they do notice our values.

Rewarding children for their savings efforts through small incentives can also be motivating. For example, we can match a portion of their savings. Involving them in planning the family’s monthly budget can further deepen their understanding. Sitting down with them and discussing how they might spend their pocket money will teach them planning and prioritization. This will not only reduce unreasonable demands but also prepare them to manage their first paychecks wisely, without impulsive spending.

The concept of budgeting should be clearly explained. I remember managing an entire month on modest pocket money simply because I had set a budget for myself and never exceeded it. I knew my funds were limited and that additional allowance would not come easily. These are the same principles we must pass on to our children. By doing so, we discipline their spending habits and equip them with lifelong money management skills.

I would like to conclude with a simple poem for the “little ones”:

The Baby Kangaroo

“My baby is a bright one,”

said the mother kangaroo.

“With money in my pocket,

he knows just what to do.”

He counts the nickels all by fives,

The dimes he counts by ten.

And if they drop, he quickly

picks them up and counts again.

Each time I give my son a coin,

he always hollers, “Thanks!”

And when he’s got a lot of them,

he puts them in his bank!

Mind - A Wandering GYPSY!!

Being lost is a state of mind. The reality is we are all lost. No matter what state of consciousness one is --- spiritual, material, metaphysical or whatever it is that you call it, the fact is that we are searching for something. If we find peace we will search for more peace and greater peace. Human beings can never exist in an unchanging, absolute state of being. The motion less is dead whether it’s the mind or the body and to find movement is to change the state of being and the force for the change is to search for something.

Think about it for a bit, when we search for a restaurant we are searching for a something that we want out of it. When we find the restaurant we are searching for something we get after we reach there and then we search for the next thing. In being still for instance we will search for what it is to be still. When the body is not physically searching the mind will be. The end to the state of searching is the end to life itself.

The trouble begins when we resist this state of searching. It’s like damming the flow of a river. A river is meant to flow to the sea and when it doesn’t it’s a lake or whatever else that you wish to call it but not a river. So the beginning of any journey is to realise that there is nothing absolute and the human mind is like a river which flows.

But if life was meant to be what it is then why begin any journey, why not let primal instincts play their role and let the body do whatever it is the mind wants and let the mind have no conditioning and think whatever it does. There are rules to every game and yes these are rules we put on ourselves. Staying within the realm of morality would mean staying within the realm of what is right and what is wrong and when you stay within that realm there are things you can or cannot do. In my state of existence there is still no answer to going beyond the realm of right and wrong. I can go beyond that but if I do I think it will lead to anarchy and the fear of chaos and this is the reason I can’t or dont .

So can I be at peace with myself despite having to stay within the morality of right and wrong. One of the thoughts that have been thrown at me is that there is no right and no wrong. It’s all about actions and consequences. If we see a particular set of consequences for an action and if those consequences seem detrimental to my interests then I don’t perform that action and if the consequences seem acceptable then I perform. It seems plausible but it still cannot sink in completely.

The more I try to think of my actions and my understanding of right and wrong the more I begin to understand the action – consequence theory. Putting it into practice and trying to smear it over the life is like a river thought gives me some sense of relief. If I let life flow the way it is then there will be a set of consequences and if I make an effort to alter the flow then there are some consequences and so I let life flow at times and alter the course at times.

And at this moment I am just letting thoughts flow into words and beginning to realise the consequences.….that thought definitely has severe consequences and hence the thoughts are dammed. !!

Letter To My Papa

I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much and I am so grateful to be blessed with you as my Dad. A father makes a huge impact on his daughter’s life and so have you . You are the first man i have said “I love you” to, and the first man who has really shown me what love is , the first man i have put my faith, my life and my soul to. 

The smile that comes upon your face when you see me, makes me feel so cherished and adored.To be honest, I can’t remember a time when you weren’t there for me — not only as a father, but as a best friend. As a child, you were my favourite playmate. From teaching me how to walk or read and write, you’ve shown me ways to stand on my own two feet. You have indeed not only protected your little girl, but also have shown me how to defend myself when, you are not around.Like every little girl grows up looking up to her dad, I have never stopped. Now that i am grown and have child of my own , i am more reminded of the times we spend together.The things like doing home working, walking every morning to the bus-stop, PTA meetings in my school , my birthday, these things have been engrained in my memory.Thank you for listening when i needed to be heard the most. Being able to be share with you and show you my vulnerability has been so important for my development as a woman. You have known when to offer me advice and when simply to wipe my tear.

Thank you for working hard to provide for me and our family. It has provided me with a sense of security that has propelled me in creating a fulfilling foundation for my own life. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Your unconditional support has supported me in knowing who I truly am and has been the wind beneath my wings.Most important Thank you for not cheating. Your loyalty has helped me to be able to trust men and be drawn to healthy, loving relationships.

No matter what I will always love you and no matter how old I am, I will always be your little girl.

I know there’s no such thing as a perfect dad, but you come pretty close.

Lessons from 'Mummy Daddy Ka Pyar'

Who do you love more, your mother or your father?This was the most annoying and irritating questions I dealt with in my childhood, because the truth is that i could not have become the person I am today without Ma and Papa both in my life. 

I was about ten years when on one regular evening  my father after coming back from office had a fight with my mother.For me this was first ever experience of seeing my parents fight. The whole thing made me very unsettled and worried.They didn't argue or raise voice with each other,it was only their expressions which made me feel uncomfortable. Once my father left for his evening library my mother confined herself in some book which i knew was just a cover up as she didn't want to speak to me or anyone.I quietly went back to my study table and wrote a long letter to my parents (mostly in capital font) expressing what was going through in my head and heart; how much i love them both and how pained i was felling seeing them unhappy . After writing whatever i wrote i kept the letter under my mother's pillow, kissed her good night and hugged her longer and tighter than usual. 

Next morning i woke up to see my lovey-dovey parents talking to each other - smiling, joking and having tea together. I felt a bit of a fool. Come on! i was so bothered about their fight and they were behaving as if nothing happened. HUH!!!

My father hugged me and said - 'you write well and you must become a writer'. 

Lesson which i drew from my parents tiff (emotional Drama sounds more appropriate) was that - Arguments and disagreements are a natural part of all relationships.What is important is to fight the 'right way'.Fight the Good Fight because there are good lessons which children can learn from fighting.My growing up with my parents fightings off and on over petty issues (they were so petty that i dont remember a single one) taught me that When conflicts are handled constructively, kids learn to compromise, compassion, and to use humor and warmth to solve disagreements.I also learnt that conflict with someone you love is not the end of the world.Having said that, it is important and necessary for parents to take their fights behind closed doors. However basis my experience, children can still hear and they aren't easily fooled.Despite the fact that i don't remember my parents raising voice with each other till date, still i could very easily make out when they are happy and when they are faking it for us.

I personally don’t know what it feels like to have  been with someone for 38 years.All I can do is observe my parents who have been married for 38 years now and are still going strong. One can never know the real inner workings of someone else’s relationship. I’m sure there are nuances that others will not know, but One things that I have observed and I believe contributes to a great marriage/relationships is --- “Love! and that is enough”

So it is!

Golden Rules Of Office Etiquette

Corporate Etiquette refers to set of rules an individual must follow while at work.One must respect his organisation and maintain the decorum of the place. Collaboration is the way we work now. That means people don't just work together in meeting and conference rooms anymore but are in collaboration all the time be it at personal, hallways, or virtually via internet or smart phones, and it's often spontaneous and informal, rather than planned in advance. Therefore keeping a fine balance between privacy and accessibility will improve relations with colleagues. 

People are watching - Don't do anything that you don't want the entire company to be talking about you for several years to come. It’s OK to drink in the party but it’s NOT OK to get drunk in the office party. Getting dunk and blabbering everything is a big NO NO. 

There is no such thing as free lunch - If you have asked someone for lunch or dinner please pay the bill, in case if this involve your senior then best way to handle is that you pay the bill in advance (if possible), so that at end of the meal chq is not presented and the question of who pays become moot. If you have been invited for lunch and dinner then please offer to split the bill. 

Unwritten rules that exist in the cubical workplace - One man’s music is another man’s noise so please keep your cell phone/landline phone tone moderate-low. Also keep your noise level in account, no one likes to hear constant chattering or high pitched laughing.Remeber this before using speakerphone. 

Key to treating people well - More than being friendly focus on being responsive because it is how a person responds to situations and to others goes long way. Some of the examples of responsive behaviour include willingness to collaborate, showing concern for others, being proactive to help others, ready to share information and accepting responsibility for one's mistakes.Please don't pop chewing gum in fromt of your co-worker or sneeze/cough in public without covering out mouth.

Action needed - what one says should match one's behaviour  failing to do so affect one's credibility to earn respect. One's actions should reflect what one feels and thinks and should not be swayed or influenced by popular opinion. Never criticise or make fun of any of your colleagues.There are several other ways to sort it out.sit with your colleagues, discuss issues face to face and decide on something which is mutually acceptable.

Positive Language: FOUL/ABUSIVE language is NOT COOL. The use of positive language when interacting with others encourages them to open up and this in turn makes it easy to understand what they want. Positive words carry no threat of offending or disappointing others but reflects one's willingness to understand the other person. 

My experience Reading "Our Moon Has Blood Clots” by Rahul Pandita.

This is the first book in my life where i started sobbing from its very first page "…an earlier time when flower was not stained and with blood ,the moon with blood clots!” - Pablo Neruda, ‘Oh, My Lost City'

This book has left me deeply pained and my heart has broken into pieces, not at a go-- but chunk by chunk …chapter by chapter. This book should be made a mandatory read for all college students(all streams), because Kashmir is in India and each one of us must know its story the way we know about Babri Masjid  and Godhra kand. Many Thanks to Rahul for writing this book.

The book forced me to think; that what mistake did the pandits do?are they the children of a lesser god?Why the pact made between Sheikh Mohammed Abdullah and J L Nehru turned out to be a joke and government did nothing for those innocent people who have been forced to leave their homes and live in exile in their own country?Why in India anyone can say anything against Hindus but it is a political sin to say negative about muslims?What makes them think that hindus can never be wronged - Political convenience, is it? Why this double standards? Why. Why. Why?

Anyone who has not witnessed and undergone this pain can never understand that how it feels to be thrown out from one’s own ancestral house. What it takes to live under constant pressure of “flee,convert or die” and what it means to see people/family being killed in cold blood by those who till yesterday was sharing lives in more ways than just one. Traumatised to learn that how muslims of the valley colluded with the militants to terrorise the Pandits. A complete ‘Bloodlust’. Pandita has given so many examples where neighbours ,childhood friends colleagues gave vital information about the pandits to the militants. In one such incident B K Ganju who found his name in the ‘hit list’ and decided to flee with his wife, but it was late as militant had already come looking for him, he hid himself in the rice drum, they couldn’t find him so they left but the very moment they were prompted by the muslim lady in the neighbourhood. The men returned and shot B K Ganju inside the drum.As they were coming down Mrs ganju asked them to kill her too on which they said ’No someone should be left to wail over his dead body’. 

Another such story was that of the Kashmiri poet and scholar Sarvanand Kaul ‘Premi’ who was secular to the core , had won many accolades and had taught for free in two schools , one run by the Islamic and the other by the Hindu educational Society.He and his son was taken by three armed men one night. Family waited but they never returned.Their bodies were found hanging from a tree a day later.

Reading that how muslim boys of the valley went for training in camps in POK and had arms, i wonder to myself that instead, if they would have supported the pandits in the valley Our Moon Would Not Have Blood Clots Today. 

So Ugly, So Painful.

This reminds me of the famous song from the movie ‘Upkaar’ sung by Manna Dey---

Duniya wale tera bankar tera hi dil todenge , dete hai bhagwan ko dhokha , insaan ko kya chhodenge,

kasmei waade pyar wafa sab, Baatei hain baato ka kya

Kam agar ye hindu ka hai, Mandir kisnei thoda hai , 

Muslim ka hai kaam agar ye , khuda ka ghar kyu toota hai,

jis majhab mei jayaz hai ye , WO MAJHAB HI JHOOTA HAI.

kasmei waade pyar wafa sab, Baatei hain baato ka Kaya

Pandita has vividly described that how valley had spiralled beyond control because of the war cries from the mosque like - ‘Aazadi ka matlab kya la ilaha illalaha’ ‘Yahan kya chalega nizam e mustafa’ and ‘Ae zaalimon, ae kafiron, Kashmir hamara chod do’  became a routine and how everyday after Jan 19 was Jan 19th, how in the name of ‘Azadi’ the pandits were hounded on the streets and killed brutally. A night when Jagmohan (governor of the valley) failed to do anything to prevent the exodus of the Pandits.It was a night where neighbours turned against neighbours, friends against friends and humanity rogered. Rahul has exposed the lie by politicians about Pandits being safe in the valley post 1990 by narrating about March 1997 when terrorists dragged out 7 Kashmiri Pandits from their house in Sangrampora village and gunned them down ,the Wandhama massacre of 1998 where 23 members of one family were gunned down by the militants (only one 14 yr old boy ’Vinod Dhar' survived because he had hid himself) and how later he narrated the story where he mentioned that when guns were being fired the muslims of the village increased the volume of the loudspeaker in the mosque to muffle the sound of the gunfire, how police called muslim wailing women for photo ops. Similarly Nandigram massacre on march 24th 2003 where 24 hindus were shot dead which included 2 infants and 11 women.

My Moments with the book:

1.Romantic - 40 page letters to beloveds until the wee hours till the electric motor pump would be switched on.

2.Funny -'Mountains can fly ,rivers can dry,you can forget me , but never can I’.Reminded me of my school days where i got a similar so called proposal greeting. Basis my experience it was very embarrassing to receive such a note and therefore i think even if Rahul would have let the driver give that card to the girl she would have definitely said no :-)

3.Raged -a. In srinagar they would deliberately cut off electricity at the telecast time of Ramayan, and then later Mahabharat b. Rehman the milkman saying that ‘The Dal eating Indians cannot fight Pakistan'.

4 Heartwrenching - a. helplessness during mother’s motor neurone disease b.Ravi, the brother/first hero who was dragged out of the bus and shot dead.

5.Devastating - a. Revisiting his house built by his father’s provident fund money, brick by brick and seeing it occupied by Muslim there.

6.Saddest - no campaigns were run for the Pandits, no fellowships or grants given for research on their exodus and media failed to see and speak, the inhuman living condition of the refugees,the workplace harrasment which women faced and how they thought that each day by going to work they leave behind something of their identity. 

7.Hope - People like Pandita and many others who have made their mission in life to talk about the ‘other story’ of Kashmir.

And yes Rahul Pandita! what you say to Irshad in your head will surely come true.Sooner or Later.

Thinking about Rahul Pandita i often wonder that how can people with such tortured heart have no hatred for those who have victimised them.He has written this book straight from his heart which is now stamped into ours.

This moment Javed Akhtar lyrics rings in my ears -

Lakh duniya kahe 'tum yahi ho'

Meri har soch me, meri har baat me

Mere ehsaas me, mere jazbaat me

Tumne chhoda hai kab saath mera

Thaame ho aaj bhi hath mera

Koi manzil koi rehguzar ho

Aaj bhi tum mere humsafar ho

Khushboo banke hawaaon me tum ho

Rang banke fizaaon me tum ho

Koi gaaye koi saans goonje

Sab sureeli sadaaon mein tum ho

Lakh duniya kahe 'tum yahi ho’

AND …….

'aql kehti hai ye duniya milti hai bazaar mei/dil magar ye kehta hai kuch aur behtar dekhiye'

Awesome Reads through the bookshelves by Ravi Subramanian!!

Banker by profession,more than two decades of banking experience in banks like Citibank, HSBC,ANZ Grindlays. Author of 5 popular thrillers about banking & bankers, including the Economist Crossword Book Award winning 'The Incredible Banker'.

Ravi Subramanian, an alumnus of IIM-Bangalore, a master story teller on banking and financial sector which comes from his more than two decades of work experience in Banking sector hence is very closely tied to the audience awareness. Coming from someone who has insider knowledge of the corporate "affairs" makes it very authentic and relevant. 

His book "The Incredible Banker" is the winner of the Golden quill Readers Choice Award. Except 2009 he has given best read every year starting 2007 till date. His latest book 'The Bankster' is a gripping nail-biting thriller. 

2007 If God Was a Banker

2008 I Bought the Monk’s Ferrari

2010 Devil in Pinstripes

2011 The Incredible Banker

2012 The Bankster

My experiences with his books have been fabulous. May be because being in the Banking & Finance industry i can totally relate to every bit of his book - so word by word , line by line. Also his books are much more than just love induced people in the bank. The fact remains that where there is money involved dirty games are sure to be played. Like plotting , money laundering , inflated bills, kickbacks etc etc). You can’t help but think and question the existing ways things are done which sometimes impact individuals, sometimes nations and sometimes globe. 

Though personally i feel that his books always make banking look far more interesting than it really is :-). The very thought makes my day most of the time. 

  

I have read all his 5 books. All his 5 novels are centred on the banking industry and the similarity ends here. Each one of them are very different from each other. The books are fiction yet real, absolutely gripping. 

Will share a personal experience - ‘If God Was a Banker' in 2007 (he won the Golden Quill Readers Choice award for his debut novel) - I picked this book one evening after coming back from the office (about 10 pm or so) and i failed completely to sleep without completing it.Since i am a slow reader i was awake till 4 am because it was impossible to stop in between.An irresistible,sleep-defying fiction. I was left both awestruck and dumbstruck and till date i can recall the book scene by scene like a movie. It was like a treat!! 

From his above mentioned first book till date there has never been a dull moment during the read period. Very fast paced and inter-connected plots will always keep your eyes and mind wide open. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ravi_Subramanian

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