Who do you love more, your mother or your father?This was the most annoying and irritating questions I dealt with in my childhood, because the truth is that i could not have become the person I am today without Ma and Papa both in my life.
I was about ten years when on one regular evening my father after coming back from office had a fight with my mother.For me this was first ever experience of seeing my parents fight. The whole thing made me very unsettled and worried.They didn't argue or raise voice with each other,it was only their expressions which made me feel uncomfortable. Once my father left for his evening library my mother confined herself in some book which i knew was just a cover up as she didn't want to speak to me or anyone.I quietly went back to my study table and wrote a long letter to my parents (mostly in capital font) expressing what was going through in my head and heart; how much i love them both and how pained i was felling seeing them unhappy . After writing whatever i wrote i kept the letter under my mother's pillow, kissed her good night and hugged her longer and tighter than usual.
Next morning i woke up to see my lovey-dovey parents talking to each other - smiling, joking and having tea together. I felt a bit of a fool. Come on! i was so bothered about their fight and they were behaving as if nothing happened. HUH!!!
My father hugged me and said - 'you write well and you must become a writer'.
Lesson which i drew from my parents tiff (emotional Drama sounds more appropriate) was that - Arguments and disagreements are a natural part of all relationships.What is important is to fight the 'right way'.Fight the Good Fight because there are good lessons which children can learn from fighting.My growing up with my parents fightings off and on over petty issues (they were so petty that i dont remember a single one) taught me that When conflicts are handled constructively, kids learn to compromise, compassion, and to use humor and warmth to solve disagreements.I also learnt that conflict with someone you love is not the end of the world.Having said that, it is important and necessary for parents to take their fights behind closed doors. However basis my experience, children can still hear and they aren't easily fooled.Despite the fact that i don't remember my parents raising voice with each other till date, still i could very easily make out when they are happy and when they are faking it for us.
I personally don’t know what it feels like to have been with someone for 38 years.All I can do is observe my parents who have been married for 38 years now and are still going strong. One can never know the real inner workings of someone else’s relationship. I’m sure there are nuances that others will not know, but One things that I have observed and I believe contributes to a great marriage/relationships is --- “Love! and that is enough”
So it is!
:-)
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