Saturday, 25 May 2013

Lessons from 'Mummy Daddy Ka Pyar'


Who do you love more, your mother or your father?This was the most annoying and irritating questions I dealt with in my childhood, because the truth is that i could not have become the person I am today without Ma and Papa both in my life. 

I was about ten years when on one regular evening  my father after coming back from office had a fight with my mother.For me this was first ever experience of seeing my parents fight. The whole thing made me very unsettled and worried.They didn't argue or raise voice with each other,it was only their expressions which made me feel uncomfortable. Once my father left for his evening library my mother confined herself in some book which i knew was just a cover up as she didn't want to speak to me or anyone.I quietly went back to my study table and wrote a long letter to my parents (mostly in capital font) expressing what was going through in my head and heart; how much i love them both and how pained i was felling seeing them unhappy . After writing whatever i wrote i kept the letter under my mother's pillow, kissed her good night and hugged her longer and tighter than usual. 

Next morning i woke up to see my lovey-dovey parents talking to each other - smiling, joking and having tea together. I felt a bit of a fool. Come on! i was so bothered about their fight and they were behaving as if nothing happened. HUH!!!

My father hugged me and said - 'you write well and you must become a writer'. 
Lesson which i drew from my parents tiff (emotional Drama sounds more appropriate) was that - Arguments and disagreements are a natural part of all relationships.What is important is to fight the 'right way'.Fight the Good Fight because there are good lessons which children can learn from fighting.My growing up with my parents fightings off and on over petty issues (they were so petty that i dont remember a single one) taught me that When conflicts are handled constructively, kids learn to compromise, compassion, and to use humor and warmth to solve disagreements.I also learnt that conflict with someone you love is not the end of the world.Having said that, it is important and necessary for parents to take their fights behind closed doors. However basis my experience, children can still hear and they aren't easily fooled.Despite the fact that i don't remember my parents raising voice with each other till date, still i could very easily make out when they are happy and when they are faking it for us.
I personally don’t know what it feels like to have  been with someone for 38 years.All I can do is observe my parents who have been married for 38 years now and are still going strong. One can never know the real inner workings of someone else’s relationship. I’m sure there are nuances that others will not know, but One things that I have observed and I believe contributes to a great marriage/relationships is --- “Love! and that is enough”

So it is!

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Golden Rules Of Office Etiquette



Corporate Etiquette refers to set of rules an individual must follow while at work.One must respect his organisation and maintain the decorum of the place. Collaboration is the way we work now. That means people don't just work together in meeting and conference rooms anymore but are in collaboration all the time be it at personal, hallways, or virtually via internet or smart phones, and it's often spontaneous and informal, rather than planned in advance. Therefore keeping a fine balance between privacy and accessibility will improve relations with colleagues. 


People are watching - Don't do anything that you don't want the entire company to be talking about you for several years to come. It’s OK to drink in the party but it’s NOT OK to get drunk in the office party. Getting dunk and blabbering everything is a big NO NO. 

There is no such thing as free lunch - If you have asked someone for lunch or dinner please pay the bill, in case if this involve your senior then best way to handle is that you pay the bill in advance (if possible), so that at end of the meal chq is not presented and the question of who pays become moot. If you have been invited for lunch and dinner then please offer to split the bill. 

Unwritten rules that exist in the cubical workplace - One man’s music is another man’s noise so please keep your cell phone/landline phone tone moderate-low. Also keep your noise level in account, no one likes to hear constant chattering or high pitched laughing.Remeber this before using speakerphone. 

Key to treating people well - More than being friendly focus on being responsive because it is how a person responds to situations and to others goes long way. Some of the examples of responsive behaviour include willingness to collaborate, showing concern for others, being proactive to help others, ready to share information and accepting responsibility for one's mistakes.Please don't pop chewing gum in fromt of your co-worker or sneeze/cough in public without covering out mouth.

Action needed - what one says should match one's behaviour  failing to do so affect one's credibility to earn respect. One's actions should reflect what one feels and thinks and should not be swayed or influenced by popular opinion. Never criticise or make fun of any of your colleagues.There are several other ways to sort it out.sit with your colleagues, discuss issues face to face and decide on something which is mutually acceptable.

Positive Language: FOUL/ABUSIVE language is NOT COOL. The use of positive language when interacting with others encourages them to open up and this in turn makes it easy to understand what they want. Positive words carry no threat of offending or disappointing others but reflects one's willingness to understand the other person. 


Wednesday, 17 April 2013

My experience Reading "Our Moon Has Blood Clots” by Rahul Pandita.


This is the first book in my life where i started sobbing from its very first page "…an earlier time when flower was not stained and with blood ,the moon with blood clots!” - Pablo Neruda, ‘Oh, My Lost City'

This book has left me deeply pained and my heart has broken into pieces, not at a go-- but chunk by chunk …chapter by chapter. This book should be made a mandatory read for all college students(all streams), because Kashmir is in India and each one of us must know its story the way we know about Babri Masjid  and Godhra kand. Many Thanks to Rahul for writing this book.

The book forced me to think; that what mistake did the pandits do?are they the children of a lesser god?Why the pact made between Sheikh Mohammed Abdullah and J L Nehru turned out to be a joke and government did nothing for those innocent people who have been forced to leave their homes and live in exile in their own country?Why in India anyone can say anything against Hindus but it is a political sin to say negative about muslims?What makes them think that hindus can never be wronged - Political convenience, is it? Why this double standards? Why. Why. Why?

Anyone who has not witnessed and undergone this pain can never understand that how it feels to be thrown out from one’s own ancestral house. What it takes to live under constant pressure of “flee,convert or die” and what it means to see people/family being killed in cold blood by those who till yesterday was sharing lives in more ways than just one. Traumatised to learn that how muslims of the valley colluded with the militants to terrorise the Pandits. A complete ‘Bloodlust’. Pandita has given so many examples where neighbours ,childhood friends colleagues gave vital information about the pandits to the militants. In one such incident B K Ganju who found his name in the ‘hit list’ and decided to flee with his wife, but it was late as militant had already come looking for him, he hid himself in the rice drum, they couldn’t find him so they left but the very moment they were prompted by the muslim lady in the neighbourhood. The men returned and shot B K Ganju inside the drum.As they were coming down Mrs ganju asked them to kill her too on which they said ’No someone should be left to wail over his dead body’. 

Another such story was that of the Kashmiri poet and scholar Sarvanand Kaul ‘Premi’ who was secular to the core , had won many accolades and had taught for free in two schools , one run by the Islamic and the other by the Hindu educational Society.He and his son was taken by three armed men one night. Family waited but they never returned.Their bodies were found hanging from a tree a day later.

Reading that how muslim boys of the valley went for training in camps in POK and had arms, i wonder to myself that instead, if they would have supported the pandits in the valley Our Moon Would Not Have Blood Clots Today. 
So Ugly, So Painful.

This reminds me of the famous song from the movie ‘Upkaar’ sung by Manna Dey---
Duniya wale tera bankar tera hi dil todenge , dete hai bhagwan ko dhokha , insaan ko kya chhodenge,
kasmei waade pyar wafa sab, Baatei hain baato ka kya

Kam agar ye hindu ka hai, Mandir kisnei thoda hai , 
Muslim ka hai kaam agar ye , khuda ka ghar kyu toota hai,
jis majhab mei jayaz hai ye , WO MAJHAB HI JHOOTA HAI.
kasmei waade pyar wafa sab, Baatei hain baato ka Kaya

Pandita has vividly described that how valley had spiralled beyond control because of the war cries from the mosque like - ‘Aazadi ka matlab kya la ilaha illalaha’ ‘Yahan kya chalega nizam e mustafa’ and ‘Ae zaalimon, ae kafiron, Kashmir hamara chod do’  became a routine and how everyday after Jan 19 was Jan 19th, how in the name of ‘Azadi’ the pandits were hounded on the streets and killed brutally. A night when Jagmohan (governor of the valley) failed to do anything to prevent the exodus of the Pandits.It was a night where neighbours turned against neighbours, friends against friends and humanity rogered. Rahul has exposed the lie by politicians about Pandits being safe in the valley post 1990 by narrating about March 1997 when terrorists dragged out 7 Kashmiri Pandits from their house in Sangrampora village and gunned them down ,the Wandhama massacre of 1998 where 23 members of one family were gunned down by the militants (only one 14 yr old boy ’Vinod Dhar' survived because he had hid himself) and how later he narrated the story where he mentioned that when guns were being fired the muslims of the village increased the volume of the loudspeaker in the mosque to muffle the sound of the gunfire, how police called muslim wailing women for photo ops. Similarly Nandigram massacre on march 24th 2003 where 24 hindus were shot dead which included 2 infants and 11 women.

My Moments with the book:
1.Romantic - 40 page letters to beloveds until the wee hours till the electric motor pump would be switched on.
2.Funny -'Mountains can fly ,rivers can dry,you can forget me , but never can I’.Reminded me of my school days where i got a similar so called proposal greeting. Basis my experience it was very embarrassing to receive such a note and therefore i think even if Rahul would have let the driver give that card to the girl she would have definitely said no :-)
3.Raged -a. In srinagar they would deliberately cut off electricity at the telecast time of Ramayan, and then later Mahabharat b. Rehman the milkman saying that ‘The Dal eating Indians cannot fight Pakistan'.
4 Heartwrenching - a. helplessness during mother’s motor neurone disease b.Ravi, the brother/first hero who was dragged out of the bus and shot dead.
5.Devastating - a. Revisiting his house built by his father’s provident fund money, brick by brick and seeing it occupied by Muslim there.
6.Saddest - no campaigns were run for the Pandits, no fellowships or grants given for research on their exodus and media failed to see and speak, the inhuman living condition of the refugees,the workplace harrasment which women faced and how they thought that each day by going to work they leave behind something of their identity. 
7.Hope - People like Pandita and many others who have made their mission in life to talk about the ‘other story’ of Kashmir.
And yes Rahul Pandita! what you say to Irshad in your head will surely come true.Sooner or Later.

Thinking about Rahul Pandita i often wonder that how can people with such tortured heart have no hatred for those who have victimised them.He has written this book straight from his heart which is now stamped into ours.

This moment Javed Akhtar lyrics rings in my ears -
Lakh duniya kahe 'tum yahi ho'
Meri har soch me, meri har baat me
Mere ehsaas me, mere jazbaat me
Tumne chhoda hai kab saath mera
Thaame ho aaj bhi hath mera
Koi manzil koi rehguzar ho
Aaj bhi tum mere humsafar ho

Khushboo banke hawaaon me tum ho
Rang banke fizaaon me tum ho
Koi gaaye koi saans goonje
Sab sureeli sadaaon mein tum ho
Lakh duniya kahe 'tum yahi ho’

AND …….
'aql kehti hai ye duniya milti hai bazaar mei/dil magar ye kehta hai kuch aur behtar dekhiye'


Friday, 12 April 2013

Awesome Reads through the bookshelves by Ravi Subramanian!!


Banker by profession,more than two decades of banking experience in banks like Citibank, HSBC,ANZ Grindlays. Author of 5 popular thrillers about banking & bankers, including the Economist Crossword Book Award winning 'The Incredible Banker'.

Ravi Subramanian, an alumnus of IIM-Bangalore, a master story teller on banking and financial sector which comes from his more than two decades of work experience in Banking sector hence is very closely tied to the audience awareness. Coming from someone who has insider knowledge of the corporate "affairs" makes it very authentic and relevant. 

His book "The Incredible Banker" is the winner of the Golden quill Readers Choice Award. Except 2009 he has given best read every year starting 2007 till date. His latest book 'The Bankster' is a gripping nail-biting thriller. 

2007 If God Was a Banker
2008 I Bought the Monk’s Ferrari
2010 Devil in Pinstripes
2011 The Incredible Banker
2012 The Bankster

My experiences with his books have been fabulous. May be because being in the Banking & Finance industry i can totally relate to every bit of his book - so word by word , line by line. Also his books are much more than just love induced people in the bank. The fact remains that where there is money involved dirty games are sure to be played. Like plotting , money laundering , inflated bills, kickbacks etc etc). You can’t help but think and question the existing ways things are done which sometimes impact individuals, sometimes nations and sometimes globe. 

Though personally i feel that his books always make banking look far more interesting than it really is :-). The very thought makes my day most of the time. 
  
I have read all his 5 books. All his 5 novels are centred on the banking industry and the similarity ends here. Each one of them are very different from each other. The books are fiction yet real, absolutely gripping. 

Will share a personal experience - ‘If God Was a Banker' in 2007 (he won the Golden Quill Readers Choice award for his debut novel) - I picked this book one evening after coming back from the office (about 10 pm or so) and i failed completely to sleep without completing it.Since i am a slow reader i was awake till 4 am because it was impossible to stop in between.An irresistible,sleep-defying fiction. I was left both awestruck and dumbstruck and till date i can recall the book scene by scene like a movie. It was like a treat!! 
From his above mentioned first book till date there has never been a dull moment during the read period. Very fast paced and inter-connected plots will always keep your eyes and mind wide open. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ravi_Subramanian




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Friday, 5 April 2013

A SINGLE MUM'S DIARY


Single Mother - Thank God! Its not cancer, its just being a single mother so whats the big deal ?

Everything to myself , the house , the child , the decisions , no one to dominate , no one to force, a job to focus , friends to celebrate and a child to raise. sure its hard, but i can do it! … i mean everyone makes mistakes and so did i by marring the wrong guy, but so what ? I am a smart girl and have drawn wisdom from my past experiences and i learn to improve by each passing day.

when i was on my own with my newly born son i was scared not with the thought of not having  a man in my life but with the fear of the change , afraid of unknown, may be because we grow up reading mills and boon and fairy tales which make us believe that we need a man to complete us (live happily ever after) well we really don't. we think that we can't stand on our two feet while we can, so i decided to rework my thinking and take life as it comes and journey so far had been quite interesting, has kept me on my toes and has been very fulfilling.Truth is that it is only when i was left alone i got open to the best possibilities that can happen to me. I got the courage to embrace change, and never feared being alone or without a man.

For me it was by choice and here i am not spending time looking for a man but providing for my child. Yes! i am a single mother and it is a full  time job , twice the the work , twice the stress, twice the fun , twice the love and twice the pride . Its priceless!!!

I will be lying if i said that it has always been a hunky-dory life for me after the splitting up, with my newly born in my lap and no job. I mean i was just 23 and was sick of people asking me about my husband all the time - in office, neighbours, colleagues, friends even maid, chowkidar and driver."where is your husband","is he coming" Blah Blah!. I started to wonder that if, i am somehow defective.There have been moments when i have entered a room full of beautiful ladies boasting about their husband's lucrative positions ,precious gifts and luxurious vacations which they keep receiving from them, it was during such various occasions that i found myself on the verge of breaking down much more than just once, and i thought i can't take it anymore, and in order to shut them up i started lying that my husband stays out of station for work and we keep meeting on weekends etc. while some suggested take transfer , leave job , shift him , do this, do that but the final straw was when my friend seriously suggested that if i will not stay with him he will have an affair and will desert me. Really, now! what next? Thats the time when i said to myself that enough is enough and its time to take charge of things in a more mature manner and the first was to be honest and prepare myself before i could prepare my son to deal with the situation. As they say "honesty is the best policy" my life and the whole perspective towards everyone changed from that very moment.. I found a winner! " we are divorced" was all i had to say and since then keeping it short and simple has been the best way to deal with the whole situation.

Being a single mother came naturally to me as i was separated with my husband during my pregnancy.Now it has been 10 years and it is so much fun to see my son smart, charming and thoughtful. Juggling jobs , shifting places gave me less time to devote to, but what are those fee-charging boarding schools for? This has given my child 24/7access to teachers and learning facilities and supervised homework sessions each night, which usually means far better grades. He has developed a sense of independence while still being in a safe, secure and supervised environment. Travel time to and from school is eliminated, allowing more time for study, sports and social interactions. He is learning to live with others outside the family and the life-skills that go along with this.I always try and show him the brighter side of being in a boarding school so that he can have a fulfilled life with heart filled with happiness and no regrets. I make him speak to adults who went to boarding schools and acknowledges that it was best time of their lives.During his vacations we make most of our time together which includes going for movies, dinners , taking beach vacations, quick trip to nanihal etc.We discuss his mild emotional challenges that he experiences including peer problems, teasing, homesickness and help to determine how to cope. 

Certain section of the society may seem to be cold most at times towards single mother and their would be some who will give mixture of pity and awe looks , but to make things simpler, you do what you have to do and move on in life. Children growing up with both parents is undoubtedly better but not at all cost.I will rather do it all by myself than with someone who doesn't want to do it. The message which i want to echo from this article is that please stop worrying that your child is missing out on anything, believe in yourself because confidence and positive attitude is very contagious, just try to give your best and be the constant stable thing in his life, never have-harbour negative feeling in front of the child, show him the brighter side of men/life (even if you don't believe in it) and if need be so find an appropriate outlet to vent out your negative feelings.As they say "Life is a great leveller" which means that for every bad things which happens to us will be balanced out with the great things, so lets go out … Dream. Explore and Live.


will end this article by my all time favourite poem by kafi azmi 
tod kar rasm ke but bare qadamat se nikal (Emerge out of ancient bondage, break the idols of tradition)
zof-e-ishrat se nikal, vaham-e-nazaakat se nikal(the weakness of pleasure, this mirage of fragility)
nafs ke khiinche hue halq-e-azmal se nikal(these self-drawn boundaries of imagined greatness)
yeh bhii ek qaid hii hai, qaid-e-muhabbat se nikal(the bondage of love, for this too is a bondage)
raah kaa khaar hii kyaa gul bhii kuchalnaa hai tujhe(Not merely the thorns on the path, you have to trample on flowers too)
uth merii jaan mere saath hii chalnaa hai tujhe(Arise, my love, for now you must march with me.)

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

The Boss Of The War


He was married and my boss with whom i never got along. He has always been an eccentric man and there has never been a moment when he was not busy bragging about his intelligence and creative impulse which everyone else other than him failed to understand. Always unconcerned about disapprovals of his habits no matter how disgusting they meant to others. He had overinflated opinion about himself and constant expectation of praise from others , always exaggerated of achievements and his abilities e.g he would ask how is he looking at least 100 times in a day , he would repeat more than 15 times how better he was when he was in charge of the direct sales.

I was going through hell dealing with his narcissistic personality. He would always come and share my workstation during his branch visit which was 5 times in a week one of the reasons could be that my branch was nearest to his house. 

Well, this is how it went mostly. Mr Y will come and sit right in front of me open his laptop and would ask me to order tea (masala wala) along with good biscuits, as asked i would take out money from my purse and hand it over to the office boy who needed no further explanation, post his chai- biscuits sessions he would order (not pay) a pan masala with guttka along with an empty disposable cup which was used for spitting his pan-guttka sitting right in front of me.. I felt highly disgusted with this unhygienic and filthy habbit but wondered what to do? This troubled me quite a big deal and i kept wondering how to handle this. He was perfect example of typical small town men who have small mentality, their views are limited to men chauvinism didn’t think twice before tresspassing anybody’s personal space. Spending time with him was worthless and useless professionally as well as personally because in his presence he would high jack all my time in his unnecessary gossips and service of chai - buscit-pakoda-pan-guttka-chai-biscuit (in the order) till he called it a day and because he use to eat so much all the unwanted food would cause gas problem which kept on coming out in the form of BURRPPP!! and off course straight on my face. 

I always thought he need to take his head out of the gutter,no wonder his wife was suffering through depression (as told by him, though she never looked like one) .Taking about his wife , on one occasion she dropped in the branch late in the evening and my entire sales team thought she was his daughter. This couple was a perfect example of stupid/rude/tub of shit married to thin , thinking, balanced,beautiful women. He was more than happy to have a beautiful , fit, thoughtful wife who produced a child and kept the household running, so that he can burp,get fat and go to hukka bars with friends mostly at their cost.After all the mental suffering i was going through because of being trapped in an absolute third class environment i decided to tell him that he need to sit somewhere else if he has to eat guttka and keep spitting in the cup. 

Bad move! as he didn’t take this in good taste and that is where our obvious differences started in the form of harsh con calls , unnecessary reviews , PPTs , bad mouth to my super boss and everything possible which falls under in-aesthetic standards. The final straw was when he shouted at top of his lungs and threw papers on my face in front of a trainer (outside department) Man! now this was getting violent and i retaliated by walking out of the branch, followed by putting down my papers (which was later pacified by my super boss and i changed my department and shifted to the head office in startegy). This happened in the month of feb which is appraisal month in the financial sector. After such a fall out the gap never filled , the differences remained between us and the revenge was taken in the form of bad rating. HE SHOWED ME just by the virtu of being my boss. In 7 years of my career first time i felt so helpless and i realised what a big mistake i did by joining the wrong company surrounded by classless bunch of people and therefore going through personality assassination and how i felt helpless to do anything about it until it was too late.

I had already gone in a negative mode and in best of my interest i quit after few months. This was not because i failed but because it was no more fun and there was nothing to loose. Post quitting i took a break with friends in London for 15 days and joined a bank where my profile required me to travel to Dehradun. Bingo!! this is where Mr Y also travelled as he was in charge of this area, so on one such occasion we meet and coincidentally we were staying in the same hotel. In the night after coming back from work we bumped into each other over dinner in the hotel restaurant where suddenly i felt a sea change in his behaviour. Till yesterday i was forbidden and instantly became appealing. suddenly everything changed , he showed concern , said sorry hundred times for my bad rating and misunderstandings and blamed everyone else other than him for the cause, he said he felt like hell for what i had gone through professionally. I quite puzzled, kept on wondering about his incarnation or was i foolish for not being able to understand some obvious things. After gossiping about all useless things he made a pass at me by asking if he can hold my hands .Gee!! what nonsense. He is married to a women who need help and he don’t care, infact he is using his wife to get sympathy in the similar fashion as from the famous hindi movie “Pati Patni aur who” where sanjiv kumar the husband falls in love and get married to vidya sinha. He eventually gets promotions/salary increase followed by infatuation towards his office colleague and in order to get her sympathy he gives her the story that his wife is terminally ill. 

Well then in this case he is the most selfish man in the world and i still feel sick, to this day. And yes, i walked back to my room without saying anything because for people like him no reaction is the best reaction.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

My Dear Ladies!: Stop Violence Against Women

My Dear Ladies!: Stop Violence Against Women: Will begin with this video - BE AN ADVOCATE. STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. END THE SILENCE.- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpNwTt64J4w ...

Stop Violence Against Women


Will begin with this video -
BE AN ADVOCATE. STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. END THE SILENCE.-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpNwTt64J4w

Few latest news on crime against women post Delhi Gang rape of 23 year old - Nirbhaya on Dec 16th;
1.Swiss tourist in Orchid, Madhya Pradesh gang raped. 
2. A two-year-old girl was raped by a ward boy in Shajapur district in Madhya Pradesh while her mother was delivering another child
3.A 16-year-old girl from Moradabad set herself on fire after being allegedly molested by three boys. 
4.A 37-year-old woman who worked as a labourer got on a bus near Indore on Friday and was raped by the bus conductor.
5.A 24-year-old researcher pursuing a Ph. D. in nanotechnology was found murdered in her lab in Agra with multiple stab wounds. 
Acts of crime against women by so called our national Leaders:
6.U.P. has the maximum number of MLAs (8) who have declared that they have charges of crimes against women, followed by Orissa and West Bengal with 7 MLAs each.
7.In Lok Sabha 2009 Elections, political parties gave tickets to 6 candidates who declared that they have been charged with rape,
8.Former law minister Raghunath Mohanty  his wife, son and two other family members have been charged with dowry torture by his daughter-in-law Barsa Swony Choudhury.

Few statement on the same from the National leaders :
1. Asaram Bapu - “she should have taken God’s name and could have held the hand of one of the men and said i consider you as my brother and should have said to the other two ‘Brother i am helpless , you are my brother, my religious brother’. he also went on saying that “galti ek taraf se nahi hoti (mistake is not committed from one side).”
2. The Anjuman Muslim  Panchayat in Salumbur town in Rajasthan has decreed that girls should not use mobile phones outside their own homes or dance at weddings so that “they do not get involved with boys.” 
3. Mumbai Police Commissioner Satyapal Singh: “Countries with sex education in their curriculum only have an increased number of crimes against women.” (Indian Express)
4. Puducherry Education Minister T Thiagarajan, on making girls in the tropical southern city-wear overcoats so men won’t be driven mad with lust:
5. Congress MP Abhijit Mukherjee (son of President Pranab Mukherjee): “Those who claim to be students – I can see many beautiful women among them – highly dented-painted – they’re giving interviews on TV, they’ve brought their children to show them the scenes. 
6. Jitendar Chattar (leader of a Khap Panchayat): “To my understanding,  consumption of fast food contributes to such incidents. Chowmein leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts.”
7. Jamaat-E-Islami Hind (Islamist organisation). Statement released by Secretary General Nusrat Ali: "Co-education should be abolished" and proper education facilities meant exclusively for women should be available at all level of education. Educational institutions should prescribe sober and dignified dress for girls.” (Times of India)

C’mon are we living in some kind of Zoo ? Guess even that would have been better because here in India we don’t have any kind of bars for men unlike animals in the Zoo. Last week there was a big debate going on the Lok Sabha and all 24/7 Tv news channels on decreasing the age for consensual sex to 16 from 18 yrs , left me wondering than how come a boy at 16 yrs have consensual sex but will be declared juvenile if gets into an act of rape (completely double standards). Experts says that things can’t improve until there is substantial progress on socio - economic empowerment of women.

Call for an hour according to me - 
1.We have to stop being submissive and start saying NO and call it a halt to any kind of violence/force/threats/insult and not let it pass as one of the incidences.
2.Police reform should get replaced ASAP because it is still functioning under the Police Act of 1861 (Hello!! we are now living in 2013 - 20th century). They should not be praised for less case registered in their police station but should be evaluated on fast resolution on max cases registered.
3. Women helpline numbers should be handy with all the girls (1091 for Delhi) and should be functioning instead of showing busy, not able to connect etc e.g 181 which was launched post Nirbhaya case.
4. Every single women must believe in one-selves and then believe in others whose values match ours.
5. Education is the mother of all tool leading to empowerment which must be taken and used for the benefit of all which currently in my opinion belongs to a very tiny niche.
6.Rural women have to be giving opportunity of education, vocational courses and their own start-ups for financial independence to realise their fullest potential in the given opportunity.

PLEASE DONT ASK - what was she wearing ? what time was she out? was she drunk? was she with boys?  what did she do to instigate such an action? 
PLEASE ASK - where was the police? what were they doing? why was there no patrolling at that time? was the case registered immediately? what actions have been taken?

Few Positive Steps Taken:
1.The Cabinet on Thursday 15th March  approved the draft of a Bill that proposes stringent punishment for crimes against women. 
-minimum jail term of 20 years for rape that may be extended to the “natural life” of the convict in jail. 
-provision for the death sentence if the victim dies or is left in a “vegetative state” after the assault.
-The Bill defines stalking, voyeurism and acid attacks on women as criminal offences; voyeurism will be a bailable offence.
2.Nirbhaya fund with Rs 1000 crore which will be used for the development of women.


There is a story about a lioness, who was big with young, going about in search of prey; seeing a flock of sheep, she jumped upon them. she died in the effort and little lion was born , motherless. It was taken care of by the sheep and the sheep brought it up, and it grew up with them, ate grass, and bleated like the sheep. And although in time it became a big , full-grown lion, it thought it was a sheep.One day another lion came in search of prey and was astonished to find that in the midst of this flock of sheep was a lion, fleeing like a sheep at the approach of the danger.He tried to get near the sheep - Lion, to tell it that it was not a sheep but a lion; but the poor animal fled at his approach. However, he watched his opportunity and one day found the sheep - lion sleeping. he approached it and said “You are a Lion”. “I am a Sheep” , cried the other lion and and could not believe the contrary but bleated. The lion dragged him towards the lake and said, “Look here , here is my reflection and yours.” Then came the comparison. It looked at the lion and then at  its own reflection, and in the moment came the idea that it was a lion.The lion roared, the bleating was gone.

And on this note i would like to urge all the ladies out there to make your nerves strong. We need strength because this awful creepy thing is getting into our national blood and ridiculing everything.Therefore no more weeping and allowing others to treat us like objects. It is high time that we understand that the progress and prosperity of entire humanity/Nation depends in  the cooperation, participation and contribution of women in every activity of men EQUALLY. We are people so how can we be nothing? We are everything and ready to do everything. Period!


Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Empowering women through education


"Venus and Mars" is not even close at-least not in India because this country still doesn't belong to the women. here women are still second class citizens subjected to violence, labor, forced marriages etc as if they are properties and not human and answer to all these question lies in EDUCATION as this is the key to liberalisation, key to have a rational thinking rather than succumbing to the emotional tantrum which the society keep throwing on the women in the forms of various inequalities which begins from the family in most of the cases.
Education is the only tool to ensure that women live their god's given potential
women will not get empowered till the time parents change. They ought to start treating their son and daughters on the same scale and groom them to be responsible, equal and walk with their head held high.
we as parents must educate our daughters to liberate, be independent, kind , generous, sharing. In india it will take a long long time to reach this goal as we are 1 billion plus population and adding every second to it , but sadly education is so behind times. so it is the duty of "haves" men and women of the society to  ensure that "have nots" women get their due and best way to do so is through education.

Sometime i wonder what are we doing to our women? i.e to our mothers, daughters, sisters , wife,girlfriends and colleagues.Can you imagine life without them? Education will bring following required changes in women:

one, it will liberalize their minds and they will stop thinking that they are without power. They will get empowered and will start GIVING BACK in DOUBLE the amount better for good and worst for bad.

Two, studying is most enriching experience and will bring richer and deeper understanding of the world and life and this will start showing in the way our society will start shaping up.

Three, they will be courageous to say NO to the outdated men centric practices at their cost , will not allow submission and dominating relationship. e.g - they will not have a joint account with their husband out of guilt but will believe that they can contribute a part or even full of their salary in their HOME as long as it out of love and can't be forced to do so.

Last but not the least- once educated they will stop teetering at the edge and will start contributing to our families,society, government - which is indeed the need of the hour. 

World Bank has finished a remarkable study and proved that removing the obstacles in women's participation will increase world's GDP at times we know that we need it the most.World will be more prosperous and happy place to be in and this MUST be on high priority strategy agenda for economic and political development.

one message which must echo from this article is that women right is human right and human right is women right.Though we still have a long way to go to get women where they need to be to have enough women leadership. unfortunately women are still world's majority poor, uneducated, unhealthy and exposed to various kind of inhuman violence. 

Mistreating women in various forms, trying to control them by telling them where to go , how to dress ,talk, walk, controlling their lives and bodies always remains a mystery to me.

We  also need that all the women who have made it to the top must speak out and share their insights and each women's insight must be seen as uniquely hers just the way male leaders' insights are.The more we expect women to be token representatives of the entire class of women , the more we will hold them back. 

Each one of us need to be women in this world, A WOMEN whose story we have applauded and drawn inspiration from.

will end with a urdu couplet - 
“Tu jo bejaan khilonon se bahel jaati haiy
Tapti saanson ki haraarat se pighul jaati haiy
Paaon jis raah mein rakhti hai phisul jaati haiy
Bunkey seemaab hur ek zurf mein dhul jaati haiy
Zindagi jihad main hay sabar kay qabu main nahin.
Jannat ek aur hay jo murd kay pahloo main naheen.
Uski azaad ravish pur bhi machalna hay tujhey
Zeest key aahni saanchey main dhulna hai tujhey
Uth meri jaan mere saath hi chalna hai tujhey."
These verses are from the Urdu poem “Aurat" (Woman) written by the famous Urdu poet from India, Kaifi Azmi. What is remarkable is that Kaifi wrote this poem in the 1940s before the independence of India. In that era when the Indian society was very traditional and very much a man's world, such thoughts were almost unheard of. But then Kaifi was always decades ahead of his time.