A SINGLE MUM'S DIARY

Single Mother - Thank God! Its not cancer, its just being a single mother so whats the big deal ?

Everything to myself , the house , the child , the decisions , no one to dominate , no one to force, a job to focus , friends to celebrate and a child to raise. sure its hard, but i can do it! … i mean everyone makes mistakes and so did i by marring the wrong guy, but so what ? I am a smart girl and have drawn wisdom from my past experiences and i learn to improve by each passing day.

when i was on my own with my newly born son i was scared not with the thought of not having  a man in my life but with the fear of the change , afraid of unknown, may be because we grow up reading mills and boon and fairy tales which make us believe that we need a man to complete us (live happily ever after) well we really don't. we think that we can't stand on our two feet while we can, so i decided to rework my thinking and take life as it comes and journey so far had been quite interesting, has kept me on my toes and has been very fulfilling.Truth is that it is only when i was left alone i got open to the best possibilities that can happen to me. I got the courage to embrace change, and never feared being alone or without a man.

For me it was by choice and here i am not spending time looking for a man but providing for my child. Yes! i am a single mother and it is a full  time job , twice the the work , twice the stress, twice the fun , twice the love and twice the pride . Its priceless!!!

I will be lying if i said that it has always been a hunky-dory life for me after the splitting up, with my newly born in my lap and no job. I mean i was just 23 and was sick of people asking me about my husband all the time - in office, neighbours, colleagues, friends even maid, chowkidar and driver."where is your husband","is he coming" Blah Blah!. I started to wonder that if, i am somehow defective.There have been moments when i have entered a room full of beautiful ladies boasting about their husband's lucrative positions ,precious gifts and luxurious vacations which they keep receiving from them, it was during such various occasions that i found myself on the verge of breaking down much more than just once, and i thought i can't take it anymore, and in order to shut them up i started lying that my husband stays out of station for work and we keep meeting on weekends etc. while some suggested take transfer , leave job , shift him , do this, do that but the final straw was when my friend seriously suggested that if i will not stay with him he will have an affair and will desert me. Really, now! what next? Thats the time when i said to myself that enough is enough and its time to take charge of things in a more mature manner and the first was to be honest and prepare myself before i could prepare my son to deal with the situation. As they say "honesty is the best policy" my life and the whole perspective towards everyone changed from that very moment.. I found a winner! " we are divorced" was all i had to say and since then keeping it short and simple has been the best way to deal with the whole situation.

Being a single mother came naturally to me as i was separated with my husband during my pregnancy.Now it has been 10 years and it is so much fun to see my son smart, charming and thoughtful. Juggling jobs , shifting places gave me less time to devote to, but what are those fee-charging boarding schools for? This has given my child 24/7access to teachers and learning facilities and supervised homework sessions each night, which usually means far better grades. He has developed a sense of independence while still being in a safe, secure and supervised environment. Travel time to and from school is eliminated, allowing more time for study, sports and social interactions. He is learning to live with others outside the family and the life-skills that go along with this.I always try and show him the brighter side of being in a boarding school so that he can have a fulfilled life with heart filled with happiness and no regrets. I make him speak to adults who went to boarding schools and acknowledges that it was best time of their lives.During his vacations we make most of our time together which includes going for movies, dinners , taking beach vacations, quick trip to nanihal etc.We discuss his mild emotional challenges that he experiences including peer problems, teasing, homesickness and help to determine how to cope. 

Certain section of the society may seem to be cold most at times towards single mother and their would be some who will give mixture of pity and awe looks , but to make things simpler, you do what you have to do and move on in life. Children growing up with both parents is undoubtedly better but not at all cost.I will rather do it all by myself than with someone who doesn't want to do it. The message which i want to echo from this article is that please stop worrying that your child is missing out on anything, believe in yourself because confidence and positive attitude is very contagious, just try to give your best and be the constant stable thing in his life, never have-harbour negative feeling in front of the child, show him the brighter side of men/life (even if you don't believe in it) and if need be so find an appropriate outlet to vent out your negative feelings.As they say "Life is a great leveller" which means that for every bad things which happens to us will be balanced out with the great things, so lets go out … Dream. Explore and Live.

will end this article by my all time favourite poem by kafi azmi 

tod kar rasm ke but bare qadamat se nikal (Emerge out of ancient bondage, break the idols of tradition)

zof-e-ishrat se nikal, vaham-e-nazaakat se nikal(the weakness of pleasure, this mirage of fragility)

nafs ke khiinche hue halq-e-azmal se nikal(these self-drawn boundaries of imagined greatness)

yeh bhii ek qaid hii hai, qaid-e-muhabbat se nikal(the bondage of love, for this too is a bondage)

raah kaa khaar hii kyaa gul bhii kuchalnaa hai tujhe(Not merely the thorns on the path, you have to trample on flowers too)

uth merii jaan mere saath hii chalnaa hai tujhe(Arise, my love, for now you must march with me.)