6 Important Life Lessons I Learnt After Being Away From Home, Which made me believe that hostel life cant be ignored for Children.

I was lucky to be born and bought up in a middle class, which prioritized academics. Thankfully ours was a gender-neutral family. May be this is one of the reasons why till date it remains a mystery to me that if my parents in 20th century in a place like Bihar have such an open outlook why can’t parents of 21st century think the same. Both my parents encouraged my education. I could have got away with anything in the name of education. I was good in academics but that was purely by chance, I was never too ambitious, someone getting more marks never bothered me. My primary objective was to have fun in life, be with friends, go to parties, volunteer for NGO, art, etc. with a motive to keep me outside house so that I can get my share of freedom and fun. Time passed and I reached 12th std and I hadn’t made any life goals yet. Only objective was to score in 12th exam so that I can get admission in Delhi University and get a chance to start staying on my own, away from parent’s restrictions and have a life of my own. The idea of staying on my own, experience independence, taking decisions - good, bad, ugly, facing the outside world, experience life, night life in particular, negative, positive, all was very thrilling and exciting. Thankfully without much genuine effort I managed good rank, which got me admission in Miranda House Delhi University. Now why this particular college? Well this was the only condition of my father to let me live in a strange city (actually in this college his friend’s daughters were also studying which made him feel more in control) and since I was too obsessed with the idea of living on my own so I readily agreed to his wish (though secretly I had always wanted to go to Hindu or HansRaj). 

I was seventeen, sort of confident, sort of not, but eager for adventure. We didn’t have mobile phones, only hand written letters and telephone booth, which meant limited communication with parents. I knew things would change. I will be out of the shield and protected environment. A bit scared and a bit excited. I left home with a bag full of cloths and two bags full of books.

I remember going out on my own, chatting/gossiping whole night, sleeping whole day, eating Maggie for lunch, bunking classes, etc…etc. It was an amazing sense of independence, and this staying away from the “comfort” and “protected” environment of home did teach me some valuable life lessons which otherwise were very difficult to know. Few of which are:

1.      The value of that phone calls from home. When at home we craved for some private time with friends and now nothing is more joyous that one phone call flashing on screen “Maa” or “Papa”

2.   Realizing that living on own is not as cool as we use to fantasize when we are “stuck” at home.

3.  Financial management. All of sudden you discover newfound respect for your father who has been doing this behind the scenes for the family all these years.

4.  You realize your mother is a human with magic powers. There is simply no other explanation for how she manages to keep the whole house clean and in place when you don't even know where to begin when it comes to making up your own bed. Forget the rest.

5.   Food at the right time and temperature is a myth. Unless of course, you are somewhere in the vicinity of the magician mentioned above. Gradually like me you too will develop love for cold food.

6.   You have to take each decision (career and relationships) and have to take the onus of it. There is no chance of faltering. This in my eyes has been the biggest challenge of all.

And perhaps because of these reasons I strongly believe that making a child stay in the hostel at some point in his academic lifetime is very important for his character development.

 P.S – and this will become your all time favorite nostalgic song:

If you miss the train I'm on, you will know that I am gone
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles,
A hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles,
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.

Not a shirt on my back, not a penny to my name
Lord I can't go back-home this a-way
This a-away, this a-way, this a-way, this a-way,
Lord I can't go back-home this a-way.

5 Lessons Which You Will Relate To If You Have Ever Read Fairy Tales.

So many years of my existence and I am still reeling and totally unaware to come to terms with what I have been through. Sometimes I feel it’s the ‘women thing’ - That inherited urge to go back to home and be with our loved ones only to feel unvalued. Sometimes I blame it to the fairy tales, which have been an integral part of my growing up. They have certainly disillusioned me from the REAL WORLD for a long-long time, but finally I have gained my wisdom and have derived the ‘real’ lesson out of them, which I was unable to see through rose-tinted glasses.

“Cinderella” and her beautiful story, a timeless romantic fantasy that is still buried in some corner of my heart. A story about the power of goodness, optimism, glittery balls, glass slippers and THE Prince Charming? Later in my teens I bought a glass slipper for myself too. The story taught me that whenever I will be treated unfairly and unkindly, a fairy godmother will appear from nowhere to rescue me, and finally I will meet my prince charming who will wait for me, search me high and low till the time he finds me only to sweep me off my feet and we will live happily ever after. Alas! Real Life is anything but a Cinderella story. And this is exactly the lesson I learnt.

1.   One must keep picking oneself up as; life is not a Cinderella story. Coming from my experience heartbreaks are indeed one of the best thing to happen. They make you who you are and hence be thankful to all who caused them, wish them good and let them go. FOREVER. After all we can’t judge the whole tree by one bad Apple! Now I totally believe that whatever happens, happens for good. Our shattered dreams breaks our heart but, only later we realize that our plans was wrecked by GOD only because he knew that it would have wrecked us otherwise.

2. I continued to pursue the knight in shinning armor who will slay the dragon, pick the rose and clip the thorns, until I grew up and experience life and relationships on my own, hence can now vouch to the fact that a girl abandoning her life for a boy is a total rubbish, because dragon-slaying knights exists only in fairy tales. The real dragon never dies.

3. One must have the courage to go beyond one’s comfort zone, and find a place that one feels more at home, because it takes a real brave soul to break expectation of everyone else and stand for what you think is RIGHT. Irrespective.

4. One has to learn to deal with the scary situations does this not happen in our real life too that sweet little pig gets eaten by the big bad wolf? Hence, it is important that we prepare ourselves to fight that "wolf" and not be the "sweet little pig”. It actually showed us that we all have to live a cautionary life with awful things happening to us all the time and there nothing like perfect life -- Life is indeed a bed of roses with thorns in it. Live with it. Deal with it.

5. Time Marches On - Even the powerful witches, stepmothers and all the evils in all the possible forms can never take away your destiny and will not be able to stop the inexorable march of the time.

Is Old age worrying you ?-- Take Charge !!

The life expectancy in India has been rising steadily in the last few decades, so have the costs of medical treatment. For senior citizens, who have a lack of regular income or financial support from children, unfortunately, this could also lead to a financial crisis. Plus, gone are the days when parents can rely on living with their children. In such a scenario, The Reverse Mortgage, introduced by the Union Government in 2007, is an answer to such issues faced by senior citizens, giving them a life of dignity.

Reverse Mortgage Loan (RML) enables a Senior Citizen i.e. above the age of 60 years to AVAIL of PERIODICAL PAYMENTS from a lender against the mortgage of his/her house while remaining the owner and occupying the house.

A reverse mortgage in a simple term is just “opposite” of a Home Loan, because like in the traditional mortgage, here the payback stream is reversed.  Instead of making monthly payments to a lender, as with a traditional mortgage, the lender makes payments to the borrower. Which means that it is a loan available to (i) Homeowners (Self occupied residential house/flat where the titles are clear; and the life of the property is more than 20 years) (ii) who are 60 years or older, this enables them to convert part of the equity in their home into cash. 

This product was conceived as a means to help retirees with limited income use the accumulated wealth in their homes to cover basic monthly living expenses and pay for health care. However, there is no restriction for how reverse mortgage proceeds can be used.

The Senior Citizen borrower is not required to service the loan during his/her lifetime and therefore does not make monthly repayments of principal and interest to the lender. With a reverse mortgage, you always retain title or ownership of the home. The lender never, at any point, owns the home even after the last surviving spouse permanently vacates the property.

The loan is repaid when your home is sold, upon your death, or when your home is no longer your primary residence. The bank first gives an option to the next of kin to settle the loan along with accumulated interest, without sale of property. If the next of kin is unable to settle the loan, the bank then opts to recover the same from the sale proceeds of the property.

With a Home Equity Conversion Mortgage, you can receive a fixed monthly amount for a specified period of time, fixed monthly cash benefit for as long as you live in your home.

The amount of funds that a person is eligible for - depends on his age (or, in the case of couples the age of the younger spouse), the value of the home, the interest rate and upfront costs. The older you are, the more proceeds you may receive. Even though, as long as you live in the home, you are not required making any monthly payments towards the loan balance, but you must remain current on your property taxes etc. Any lapse in these policies can trigger a default on your loan.

The Reserve Bank of India has formulated the following guidelines for a reverse mortgage.

•   Maximum loan amount would be up to 60% of the value of the residential property.

•   Maximum tenure of the mortgage is 15 years and minimum is 10 years. Some banks are now also offering a maximum tenure of 20 years.

•   Option of monthly, quarterly, annual or lump sum loan payment.

•   Property revaluation to be undertaken by the lender once every 5 years (The quantum of loan may undergo revisions based on such re-valuation of property at the discretion of the lender and If at such time, the valuation has increased, borrowers have the option of increasing the quantum of the loan. In such a case, they are given the incremental amount in lump sum)

However before opting this, as a regular income option lender must analyse all income sources -- including pensions, look closely at how much money is left over after paying typical living expenses.

Teaching kids about money is never just about money – Dave Ramsey

As children grow, they come to know what money is by observing us buying toys and chocolates for them by giving the shopkeeper that coloured paper – called ‘Money’. While they begin to understand that to buy anything we have to give money, it’s equally important to make them understand that they can’t buy everything they want or everything is not worth buying. In my opinion, it’s never too early to start teaching our kids about the value of money and savings.

Some ways in which we can encourage our children to understand the concept of budgeting, saving, and investing according to me could be :

To begin with , on child's birthday, we can buy them a piggy bank so that, he starts saving a fixed amount of money every month. After all, it is very important that our kids get used to the idea of allocating money for spending, saving and sharing at a very young age.

Kids will be more influenced by their peers at this age.  They may be more aware of high-priced sneakers or jeans, and be more vocal in wanting these items. This is the perfect opportunity to help our kids write down some financial goals if they want to purchase a big-ticket item such as video games or designer clothes, and we can use these experience to focus on the act of saving. Have family meetings to talk about family finances (e.g., paying for the house, food, gas, vacations, etc.). We parents can set an example by the way they handle money. For example, when kids are young, we do not have to buy them designer label outfits that are over-priced. Even if we have money at our disposable, we must not send the message that the most expensive item is necessarily the best item or that it will buy them happiness. Our kids will not notice the label on the back of their shirt. 

Considering rewarding our children for their savings efforts by providing some kind of incentive program is always a good idea. We can match all or part of our kids’ savings. It won’t be a bad idea to involve kids while chalking out family’s monthly finances. We could infact sit down with our children and discuss the ways in which they could spend their pocket money. This will not only help them understand that they should plan their spending, but it will also ensure they don’t make unreasonable demands. This exercise will surely help in a long way and assure that our child’s first paychecks don’t burn a hole in their pockets.

Assigning Budgets concept should be explained to the kids.  I remember, it wasn’t too difficult for me to manage an entire month on the meager pocket money – simply because, I had a budget set for myself and would never go beyond that. I knew I had limited money to spend and would not get more. Further, any additional allowance was hard to come by. It’s the same rule and principle that we have to pass on to our kids. That way we will be able to discipline their spending habits and in a way make them learn about money management.

Will end with the below MONEY poem for the "Little Ones"

The Baby Kangaroo

"My baby is a bright one,"
said the mother kangaroo.
"With money in my pocket,
he knows just what to do."

He counts the nickels all by fives.
The dimes he counts by ten.
And if they drop, he quickly
picks them up and counts again.

Each time I give my son a coin
he always hollers, "Thanks!"
And when he's got a lot of them,
He puts them in his bank!

Mind - A Wandering GYPSY!!

Being lost is a state of mind. The reality is we are all lost. No matter what state of consciousness one is --- spiritual, material, metaphysical or whatever it is that you call it, the fact is that we are searching for something. If we find peace we will search for more peace and greater peace. Human beings can never exist in an unchanging, absolute state of being. The motion less is dead whether it’s the mind or the body and to find movement is to change the state of being and the force for the change is to search for something.

Think about it for a bit, when we search for a restaurant we are searching for a something that we want out of it. When we find the restaurant we are searching for something we get after we reach there and then we search for the next thing. In being still for instance we will search for what it is to be still. When the body is not physically searching the mind will be. The end to the state of searching is the end to life itself.

The trouble begins when we resist this state of searching. It’s like damming the flow of a river. A river is meant to flow to the sea and when it doesn’t it’s a lake or whatever else that you wish to call it but not a river. So the beginning of any journey is to realise that there is nothing absolute and the human mind is like a river which flows.

But if life was meant to be what it is then why begin any journey, why not let primal instincts play their role and let the body do whatever it is the mind wants and let the mind have no conditioning and think whatever it does. There are rules to every game and yes these are rules we put on ourselves. Staying within the realm of morality would mean staying within the realm of what is right and what is wrong and when you stay within that realm there are things you can or cannot do. In my state of existence there is still no answer to going beyond the realm of right and wrong. I can go beyond that but if I do I think it will lead to anarchy and the fear of chaos and this is the reason I can’t or dont .

So can I be at peace with myself despite having to stay within the morality of right and wrong. One of the thoughts that have been thrown at me is that there is no right and no wrong. It’s all about actions and consequences. If we see a particular set of consequences for an action and if those consequences seem detrimental to my interests then I don’t perform that action and if the consequences seem acceptable then I perform. It seems plausible but it still cannot sink in completely.

The more I try to think of my actions and my understanding of right and wrong the more I begin to understand the action – consequence theory. Putting it into practice and trying to smear it over the life is like a river thought gives me some sense of relief. If I let life flow the way it is then there will be a set of consequences and if I make an effort to alter the flow then there are some consequences and so I let life flow at times and alter the course at times.

And at this moment I am just letting thoughts flow into words and beginning to realise the consequences.….that thought definitely has severe consequences and hence the thoughts are dammed. !!

Letter To My Papa

I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much and I am so grateful to be blessed with you as my Dad. A father makes a huge impact on his daughter’s life and so have you . You are the first man i have said “I love you” to, and the first man who has really shown me what love is , the first man i have put my faith, my life and my soul to. 

The smile that comes upon your face when you see me, makes me feel so cherished and adored.To be honest, I can’t remember a time when you weren’t there for me — not only as a father, but as a best friend. As a child, you were my favourite playmate. From teaching me how to walk or read and write, you’ve shown me ways to stand on my own two feet. You have indeed not only protected your little girl, but also have shown me how to defend myself when, you are not around.Like every little girl grows up looking up to her dad, I have never stopped. Now that i am grown and have child of my own , i am more reminded of the times we spend together.The things like doing home working, walking every morning to the bus-stop, PTA meetings in my school , my birthday, these things have been engrained in my memory.Thank you for listening when i needed to be heard the most. Being able to be share with you and show you my vulnerability has been so important for my development as a woman. You have known when to offer me advice and when simply to wipe my tear.

Thank you for working hard to provide for me and our family. It has provided me with a sense of security that has propelled me in creating a fulfilling foundation for my own life. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Your unconditional support has supported me in knowing who I truly am and has been the wind beneath my wings.Most important Thank you for not cheating. Your loyalty has helped me to be able to trust men and be drawn to healthy, loving relationships.

No matter what I will always love you and no matter how old I am, I will always be your little girl.

I know there’s no such thing as a perfect dad, but you come pretty close.

Lessons from 'Mummy Daddy Ka Pyar'

Who do you love more, your mother or your father?This was the most annoying and irritating questions I dealt with in my childhood, because the truth is that i could not have become the person I am today without Ma and Papa both in my life. 

I was about ten years when on one regular evening  my father after coming back from office had a fight with my mother.For me this was first ever experience of seeing my parents fight. The whole thing made me very unsettled and worried.They didn't argue or raise voice with each other,it was only their expressions which made me feel uncomfortable. Once my father left for his evening library my mother confined herself in some book which i knew was just a cover up as she didn't want to speak to me or anyone.I quietly went back to my study table and wrote a long letter to my parents (mostly in capital font) expressing what was going through in my head and heart; how much i love them both and how pained i was felling seeing them unhappy . After writing whatever i wrote i kept the letter under my mother's pillow, kissed her good night and hugged her longer and tighter than usual. 

Next morning i woke up to see my lovey-dovey parents talking to each other - smiling, joking and having tea together. I felt a bit of a fool. Come on! i was so bothered about their fight and they were behaving as if nothing happened. HUH!!!

My father hugged me and said - 'you write well and you must become a writer'. 

Lesson which i drew from my parents tiff (emotional Drama sounds more appropriate) was that - Arguments and disagreements are a natural part of all relationships.What is important is to fight the 'right way'.Fight the Good Fight because there are good lessons which children can learn from fighting.My growing up with my parents fightings off and on over petty issues (they were so petty that i dont remember a single one) taught me that When conflicts are handled constructively, kids learn to compromise, compassion, and to use humor and warmth to solve disagreements.I also learnt that conflict with someone you love is not the end of the world.Having said that, it is important and necessary for parents to take their fights behind closed doors. However basis my experience, children can still hear and they aren't easily fooled.Despite the fact that i don't remember my parents raising voice with each other till date, still i could very easily make out when they are happy and when they are faking it for us.

I personally don’t know what it feels like to have  been with someone for 38 years.All I can do is observe my parents who have been married for 38 years now and are still going strong. One can never know the real inner workings of someone else’s relationship. I’m sure there are nuances that others will not know, but One things that I have observed and I believe contributes to a great marriage/relationships is --- “Love! and that is enough”

So it is!