Is Old age worrying you ?-- Take Charge !!

The life expectancy in India has been rising steadily in the last few decades, so have the costs of medical treatment. For senior citizens, who have a lack of regular income or financial support from children, unfortunately, this could also lead to a financial crisis. Plus, gone are the days when parents can rely on living with their children. In such a scenario, The Reverse Mortgage, introduced by the Union Government in 2007, is an answer to such issues faced by senior citizens, giving them a life of dignity.

Reverse Mortgage Loan (RML) enables a Senior Citizen i.e. above the age of 60 years to AVAIL of PERIODICAL PAYMENTS from a lender against the mortgage of his/her house while remaining the owner and occupying the house.

A reverse mortgage in a simple term is just “opposite” of a Home Loan, because like in the traditional mortgage, here the payback stream is reversed.  Instead of making monthly payments to a lender, as with a traditional mortgage, the lender makes payments to the borrower. Which means that it is a loan available to (i) Homeowners (Self occupied residential house/flat where the titles are clear; and the life of the property is more than 20 years) (ii) who are 60 years or older, this enables them to convert part of the equity in their home into cash. 

This product was conceived as a means to help retirees with limited income use the accumulated wealth in their homes to cover basic monthly living expenses and pay for health care. However, there is no restriction for how reverse mortgage proceeds can be used.

The Senior Citizen borrower is not required to service the loan during his/her lifetime and therefore does not make monthly repayments of principal and interest to the lender. With a reverse mortgage, you always retain title or ownership of the home. The lender never, at any point, owns the home even after the last surviving spouse permanently vacates the property.

The loan is repaid when your home is sold, upon your death, or when your home is no longer your primary residence. The bank first gives an option to the next of kin to settle the loan along with accumulated interest, without sale of property. If the next of kin is unable to settle the loan, the bank then opts to recover the same from the sale proceeds of the property.

With a Home Equity Conversion Mortgage, you can receive a fixed monthly amount for a specified period of time, fixed monthly cash benefit for as long as you live in your home.

The amount of funds that a person is eligible for - depends on his age (or, in the case of couples the age of the younger spouse), the value of the home, the interest rate and upfront costs. The older you are, the more proceeds you may receive. Even though, as long as you live in the home, you are not required making any monthly payments towards the loan balance, but you must remain current on your property taxes etc. Any lapse in these policies can trigger a default on your loan.

The Reserve Bank of India has formulated the following guidelines for a reverse mortgage.

•   Maximum loan amount would be up to 60% of the value of the residential property.

•   Maximum tenure of the mortgage is 15 years and minimum is 10 years. Some banks are now also offering a maximum tenure of 20 years.

•   Option of monthly, quarterly, annual or lump sum loan payment.

•   Property revaluation to be undertaken by the lender once every 5 years (The quantum of loan may undergo revisions based on such re-valuation of property at the discretion of the lender and If at such time, the valuation has increased, borrowers have the option of increasing the quantum of the loan. In such a case, they are given the incremental amount in lump sum)

However before opting this, as a regular income option lender must analyse all income sources -- including pensions, look closely at how much money is left over after paying typical living expenses.

Teaching kids about money is never just about money – Dave Ramsey

As children grow, they come to know what money is by observing us buying toys and chocolates for them by giving the shopkeeper that coloured paper – called ‘Money’. While they begin to understand that to buy anything we have to give money, it’s equally important to make them understand that they can’t buy everything they want or everything is not worth buying. In my opinion, it’s never too early to start teaching our kids about the value of money and savings.

Some ways in which we can encourage our children to understand the concept of budgeting, saving, and investing according to me could be :

To begin with , on child's birthday, we can buy them a piggy bank so that, he starts saving a fixed amount of money every month. After all, it is very important that our kids get used to the idea of allocating money for spending, saving and sharing at a very young age.

Kids will be more influenced by their peers at this age.  They may be more aware of high-priced sneakers or jeans, and be more vocal in wanting these items. This is the perfect opportunity to help our kids write down some financial goals if they want to purchase a big-ticket item such as video games or designer clothes, and we can use these experience to focus on the act of saving. Have family meetings to talk about family finances (e.g., paying for the house, food, gas, vacations, etc.). We parents can set an example by the way they handle money. For example, when kids are young, we do not have to buy them designer label outfits that are over-priced. Even if we have money at our disposable, we must not send the message that the most expensive item is necessarily the best item or that it will buy them happiness. Our kids will not notice the label on the back of their shirt. 

Considering rewarding our children for their savings efforts by providing some kind of incentive program is always a good idea. We can match all or part of our kids’ savings. It won’t be a bad idea to involve kids while chalking out family’s monthly finances. We could infact sit down with our children and discuss the ways in which they could spend their pocket money. This will not only help them understand that they should plan their spending, but it will also ensure they don’t make unreasonable demands. This exercise will surely help in a long way and assure that our child’s first paychecks don’t burn a hole in their pockets.

Assigning Budgets concept should be explained to the kids.  I remember, it wasn’t too difficult for me to manage an entire month on the meager pocket money – simply because, I had a budget set for myself and would never go beyond that. I knew I had limited money to spend and would not get more. Further, any additional allowance was hard to come by. It’s the same rule and principle that we have to pass on to our kids. That way we will be able to discipline their spending habits and in a way make them learn about money management.

Will end with the below MONEY poem for the "Little Ones"

The Baby Kangaroo

"My baby is a bright one,"
said the mother kangaroo.
"With money in my pocket,
he knows just what to do."

He counts the nickels all by fives.
The dimes he counts by ten.
And if they drop, he quickly
picks them up and counts again.

Each time I give my son a coin
he always hollers, "Thanks!"
And when he's got a lot of them,
He puts them in his bank!

Mind - A Wandering GYPSY!!

Being lost is a state of mind. The reality is we are all lost. No matter what state of consciousness one is --- spiritual, material, metaphysical or whatever it is that you call it, the fact is that we are searching for something. If we find peace we will search for more peace and greater peace. Human beings can never exist in an unchanging, absolute state of being. The motion less is dead whether it’s the mind or the body and to find movement is to change the state of being and the force for the change is to search for something.

Think about it for a bit, when we search for a restaurant we are searching for a something that we want out of it. When we find the restaurant we are searching for something we get after we reach there and then we search for the next thing. In being still for instance we will search for what it is to be still. When the body is not physically searching the mind will be. The end to the state of searching is the end to life itself.

The trouble begins when we resist this state of searching. It’s like damming the flow of a river. A river is meant to flow to the sea and when it doesn’t it’s a lake or whatever else that you wish to call it but not a river. So the beginning of any journey is to realise that there is nothing absolute and the human mind is like a river which flows.

But if life was meant to be what it is then why begin any journey, why not let primal instincts play their role and let the body do whatever it is the mind wants and let the mind have no conditioning and think whatever it does. There are rules to every game and yes these are rules we put on ourselves. Staying within the realm of morality would mean staying within the realm of what is right and what is wrong and when you stay within that realm there are things you can or cannot do. In my state of existence there is still no answer to going beyond the realm of right and wrong. I can go beyond that but if I do I think it will lead to anarchy and the fear of chaos and this is the reason I can’t or dont .

So can I be at peace with myself despite having to stay within the morality of right and wrong. One of the thoughts that have been thrown at me is that there is no right and no wrong. It’s all about actions and consequences. If we see a particular set of consequences for an action and if those consequences seem detrimental to my interests then I don’t perform that action and if the consequences seem acceptable then I perform. It seems plausible but it still cannot sink in completely.

The more I try to think of my actions and my understanding of right and wrong the more I begin to understand the action – consequence theory. Putting it into practice and trying to smear it over the life is like a river thought gives me some sense of relief. If I let life flow the way it is then there will be a set of consequences and if I make an effort to alter the flow then there are some consequences and so I let life flow at times and alter the course at times.

And at this moment I am just letting thoughts flow into words and beginning to realise the consequences.….that thought definitely has severe consequences and hence the thoughts are dammed. !!

Letter To My Papa

I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much and I am so grateful to be blessed with you as my Dad. A father makes a huge impact on his daughter’s life and so have you . You are the first man i have said “I love you” to, and the first man who has really shown me what love is , the first man i have put my faith, my life and my soul to. 

The smile that comes upon your face when you see me, makes me feel so cherished and adored.To be honest, I can’t remember a time when you weren’t there for me — not only as a father, but as a best friend. As a child, you were my favourite playmate. From teaching me how to walk or read and write, you’ve shown me ways to stand on my own two feet. You have indeed not only protected your little girl, but also have shown me how to defend myself when, you are not around.Like every little girl grows up looking up to her dad, I have never stopped. Now that i am grown and have child of my own , i am more reminded of the times we spend together.The things like doing home working, walking every morning to the bus-stop, PTA meetings in my school , my birthday, these things have been engrained in my memory.Thank you for listening when i needed to be heard the most. Being able to be share with you and show you my vulnerability has been so important for my development as a woman. You have known when to offer me advice and when simply to wipe my tear.

Thank you for working hard to provide for me and our family. It has provided me with a sense of security that has propelled me in creating a fulfilling foundation for my own life. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Your unconditional support has supported me in knowing who I truly am and has been the wind beneath my wings.Most important Thank you for not cheating. Your loyalty has helped me to be able to trust men and be drawn to healthy, loving relationships.

No matter what I will always love you and no matter how old I am, I will always be your little girl.

I know there’s no such thing as a perfect dad, but you come pretty close.

Lessons from 'Mummy Daddy Ka Pyar'

Who do you love more, your mother or your father?This was the most annoying and irritating questions I dealt with in my childhood, because the truth is that i could not have become the person I am today without Ma and Papa both in my life. 

I was about ten years when on one regular evening  my father after coming back from office had a fight with my mother.For me this was first ever experience of seeing my parents fight. The whole thing made me very unsettled and worried.They didn't argue or raise voice with each other,it was only their expressions which made me feel uncomfortable. Once my father left for his evening library my mother confined herself in some book which i knew was just a cover up as she didn't want to speak to me or anyone.I quietly went back to my study table and wrote a long letter to my parents (mostly in capital font) expressing what was going through in my head and heart; how much i love them both and how pained i was felling seeing them unhappy . After writing whatever i wrote i kept the letter under my mother's pillow, kissed her good night and hugged her longer and tighter than usual. 

Next morning i woke up to see my lovey-dovey parents talking to each other - smiling, joking and having tea together. I felt a bit of a fool. Come on! i was so bothered about their fight and they were behaving as if nothing happened. HUH!!!

My father hugged me and said - 'you write well and you must become a writer'. 

Lesson which i drew from my parents tiff (emotional Drama sounds more appropriate) was that - Arguments and disagreements are a natural part of all relationships.What is important is to fight the 'right way'.Fight the Good Fight because there are good lessons which children can learn from fighting.My growing up with my parents fightings off and on over petty issues (they were so petty that i dont remember a single one) taught me that When conflicts are handled constructively, kids learn to compromise, compassion, and to use humor and warmth to solve disagreements.I also learnt that conflict with someone you love is not the end of the world.Having said that, it is important and necessary for parents to take their fights behind closed doors. However basis my experience, children can still hear and they aren't easily fooled.Despite the fact that i don't remember my parents raising voice with each other till date, still i could very easily make out when they are happy and when they are faking it for us.

I personally don’t know what it feels like to have  been with someone for 38 years.All I can do is observe my parents who have been married for 38 years now and are still going strong. One can never know the real inner workings of someone else’s relationship. I’m sure there are nuances that others will not know, but One things that I have observed and I believe contributes to a great marriage/relationships is --- “Love! and that is enough”

So it is!

Golden Rules Of Office Etiquette

Corporate Etiquette refers to set of rules an individual must follow while at work.One must respect his organisation and maintain the decorum of the place. Collaboration is the way we work now. That means people don't just work together in meeting and conference rooms anymore but are in collaboration all the time be it at personal, hallways, or virtually via internet or smart phones, and it's often spontaneous and informal, rather than planned in advance. Therefore keeping a fine balance between privacy and accessibility will improve relations with colleagues. 

People are watching - Don't do anything that you don't want the entire company to be talking about you for several years to come. It’s OK to drink in the party but it’s NOT OK to get drunk in the office party. Getting dunk and blabbering everything is a big NO NO. 

There is no such thing as free lunch - If you have asked someone for lunch or dinner please pay the bill, in case if this involve your senior then best way to handle is that you pay the bill in advance (if possible), so that at end of the meal chq is not presented and the question of who pays become moot. If you have been invited for lunch and dinner then please offer to split the bill. 

Unwritten rules that exist in the cubical workplace - One man’s music is another man’s noise so please keep your cell phone/landline phone tone moderate-low. Also keep your noise level in account, no one likes to hear constant chattering or high pitched laughing.Remeber this before using speakerphone. 

Key to treating people well - More than being friendly focus on being responsive because it is how a person responds to situations and to others goes long way. Some of the examples of responsive behaviour include willingness to collaborate, showing concern for others, being proactive to help others, ready to share information and accepting responsibility for one's mistakes.Please don't pop chewing gum in fromt of your co-worker or sneeze/cough in public without covering out mouth.

Action needed - what one says should match one's behaviour  failing to do so affect one's credibility to earn respect. One's actions should reflect what one feels and thinks and should not be swayed or influenced by popular opinion. Never criticise or make fun of any of your colleagues.There are several other ways to sort it out.sit with your colleagues, discuss issues face to face and decide on something which is mutually acceptable.

Positive Language: FOUL/ABUSIVE language is NOT COOL. The use of positive language when interacting with others encourages them to open up and this in turn makes it easy to understand what they want. Positive words carry no threat of offending or disappointing others but reflects one's willingness to understand the other person. 

My experience Reading "Our Moon Has Blood Clots” by Rahul Pandita.

This is the first book in my life where i started sobbing from its very first page "…an earlier time when flower was not stained and with blood ,the moon with blood clots!” - Pablo Neruda, ‘Oh, My Lost City'

This book has left me deeply pained and my heart has broken into pieces, not at a go-- but chunk by chunk …chapter by chapter. This book should be made a mandatory read for all college students(all streams), because Kashmir is in India and each one of us must know its story the way we know about Babri Masjid  and Godhra kand. Many Thanks to Rahul for writing this book.

The book forced me to think; that what mistake did the pandits do?are they the children of a lesser god?Why the pact made between Sheikh Mohammed Abdullah and J L Nehru turned out to be a joke and government did nothing for those innocent people who have been forced to leave their homes and live in exile in their own country?Why in India anyone can say anything against Hindus but it is a political sin to say negative about muslims?What makes them think that hindus can never be wronged - Political convenience, is it? Why this double standards? Why. Why. Why?

Anyone who has not witnessed and undergone this pain can never understand that how it feels to be thrown out from one’s own ancestral house. What it takes to live under constant pressure of “flee,convert or die” and what it means to see people/family being killed in cold blood by those who till yesterday was sharing lives in more ways than just one. Traumatised to learn that how muslims of the valley colluded with the militants to terrorise the Pandits. A complete ‘Bloodlust’. Pandita has given so many examples where neighbours ,childhood friends colleagues gave vital information about the pandits to the militants. In one such incident B K Ganju who found his name in the ‘hit list’ and decided to flee with his wife, but it was late as militant had already come looking for him, he hid himself in the rice drum, they couldn’t find him so they left but the very moment they were prompted by the muslim lady in the neighbourhood. The men returned and shot B K Ganju inside the drum.As they were coming down Mrs ganju asked them to kill her too on which they said ’No someone should be left to wail over his dead body’. 

Another such story was that of the Kashmiri poet and scholar Sarvanand Kaul ‘Premi’ who was secular to the core , had won many accolades and had taught for free in two schools , one run by the Islamic and the other by the Hindu educational Society.He and his son was taken by three armed men one night. Family waited but they never returned.Their bodies were found hanging from a tree a day later.

Reading that how muslim boys of the valley went for training in camps in POK and had arms, i wonder to myself that instead, if they would have supported the pandits in the valley Our Moon Would Not Have Blood Clots Today. 

So Ugly, So Painful.

This reminds me of the famous song from the movie ‘Upkaar’ sung by Manna Dey---

Duniya wale tera bankar tera hi dil todenge , dete hai bhagwan ko dhokha , insaan ko kya chhodenge,

kasmei waade pyar wafa sab, Baatei hain baato ka kya

Kam agar ye hindu ka hai, Mandir kisnei thoda hai , 

Muslim ka hai kaam agar ye , khuda ka ghar kyu toota hai,

jis majhab mei jayaz hai ye , WO MAJHAB HI JHOOTA HAI.

kasmei waade pyar wafa sab, Baatei hain baato ka Kaya

Pandita has vividly described that how valley had spiralled beyond control because of the war cries from the mosque like - ‘Aazadi ka matlab kya la ilaha illalaha’ ‘Yahan kya chalega nizam e mustafa’ and ‘Ae zaalimon, ae kafiron, Kashmir hamara chod do’  became a routine and how everyday after Jan 19 was Jan 19th, how in the name of ‘Azadi’ the pandits were hounded on the streets and killed brutally. A night when Jagmohan (governor of the valley) failed to do anything to prevent the exodus of the Pandits.It was a night where neighbours turned against neighbours, friends against friends and humanity rogered. Rahul has exposed the lie by politicians about Pandits being safe in the valley post 1990 by narrating about March 1997 when terrorists dragged out 7 Kashmiri Pandits from their house in Sangrampora village and gunned them down ,the Wandhama massacre of 1998 where 23 members of one family were gunned down by the militants (only one 14 yr old boy ’Vinod Dhar' survived because he had hid himself) and how later he narrated the story where he mentioned that when guns were being fired the muslims of the village increased the volume of the loudspeaker in the mosque to muffle the sound of the gunfire, how police called muslim wailing women for photo ops. Similarly Nandigram massacre on march 24th 2003 where 24 hindus were shot dead which included 2 infants and 11 women.

My Moments with the book:

1.Romantic - 40 page letters to beloveds until the wee hours till the electric motor pump would be switched on.

2.Funny -'Mountains can fly ,rivers can dry,you can forget me , but never can I’.Reminded me of my school days where i got a similar so called proposal greeting. Basis my experience it was very embarrassing to receive such a note and therefore i think even if Rahul would have let the driver give that card to the girl she would have definitely said no :-)

3.Raged -a. In srinagar they would deliberately cut off electricity at the telecast time of Ramayan, and then later Mahabharat b. Rehman the milkman saying that ‘The Dal eating Indians cannot fight Pakistan'.

4 Heartwrenching - a. helplessness during mother’s motor neurone disease b.Ravi, the brother/first hero who was dragged out of the bus and shot dead.

5.Devastating - a. Revisiting his house built by his father’s provident fund money, brick by brick and seeing it occupied by Muslim there.

6.Saddest - no campaigns were run for the Pandits, no fellowships or grants given for research on their exodus and media failed to see and speak, the inhuman living condition of the refugees,the workplace harrasment which women faced and how they thought that each day by going to work they leave behind something of their identity. 

7.Hope - People like Pandita and many others who have made their mission in life to talk about the ‘other story’ of Kashmir.

And yes Rahul Pandita! what you say to Irshad in your head will surely come true.Sooner or Later.

Thinking about Rahul Pandita i often wonder that how can people with such tortured heart have no hatred for those who have victimised them.He has written this book straight from his heart which is now stamped into ours.

This moment Javed Akhtar lyrics rings in my ears -

Lakh duniya kahe 'tum yahi ho'

Meri har soch me, meri har baat me

Mere ehsaas me, mere jazbaat me

Tumne chhoda hai kab saath mera

Thaame ho aaj bhi hath mera

Koi manzil koi rehguzar ho

Aaj bhi tum mere humsafar ho

Khushboo banke hawaaon me tum ho

Rang banke fizaaon me tum ho

Koi gaaye koi saans goonje

Sab sureeli sadaaon mein tum ho

Lakh duniya kahe 'tum yahi ho’

AND …….

'aql kehti hai ye duniya milti hai bazaar mei/dil magar ye kehta hai kuch aur behtar dekhiye'