The Boss Of The War

He was married and my boss with whom i never got along. He has always been an eccentric man and there has never been a moment when he was not busy bragging about his intelligence and creative impulse which everyone else other than him failed to understand. Always unconcerned about disapprovals of his habits no matter how disgusting they meant to others. He had overinflated opinion about himself and constant expectation of praise from others , always exaggerated of achievements and his abilities e.g he would ask how is he looking at least 100 times in a day , he would repeat more than 15 times how better he was when he was in charge of the direct sales.

I was going through hell dealing with his narcissistic personality. He would always come and share my workstation during his branch visit which was 5 times in a week one of the reasons could be that my branch was nearest to his house. 

Well, this is how it went mostly. Mr Y will come and sit right in front of me open his laptop and would ask me to order tea (masala wala) along with good biscuits, as asked i would take out money from my purse and hand it over to the office boy who needed no further explanation, post his chai- biscuits sessions he would order (not pay) a pan masala with guttka along with an empty disposable cup which was used for spitting his pan-guttka sitting right in front of me.. I felt highly disgusted with this unhygienic and filthy habbit but wondered what to do? This troubled me quite a big deal and i kept wondering how to handle this. He was perfect example of typical small town men who have small mentality, their views are limited to men chauvinism didn’t think twice before tresspassing anybody’s personal space. Spending time with him was worthless and useless professionally as well as personally because in his presence he would high jack all my time in his unnecessary gossips and service of chai - buscit-pakoda-pan-guttka-chai-biscuit (in the order) till he called it a day and because he use to eat so much all the unwanted food would cause gas problem which kept on coming out in the form of BURRPPP!! and off course straight on my face. 

I always thought he need to take his head out of the gutter,no wonder his wife was suffering through depression (as told by him, though she never looked like one) .Taking about his wife , on one occasion she dropped in the branch late in the evening and my entire sales team thought she was his daughter. This couple was a perfect example of stupid/rude/tub of shit married to thin , thinking, balanced,beautiful women. He was more than happy to have a beautiful , fit, thoughtful wife who produced a child and kept the household running, so that he can burp,get fat and go to hukka bars with friends mostly at their cost.After all the mental suffering i was going through because of being trapped in an absolute third class environment i decided to tell him that he need to sit somewhere else if he has to eat guttka and keep spitting in the cup. 

Bad move! as he didn’t take this in good taste and that is where our obvious differences started in the form of harsh con calls , unnecessary reviews , PPTs , bad mouth to my super boss and everything possible which falls under in-aesthetic standards. The final straw was when he shouted at top of his lungs and threw papers on my face in front of a trainer (outside department) Man! now this was getting violent and i retaliated by walking out of the branch, followed by putting down my papers (which was later pacified by my super boss and i changed my department and shifted to the head office in startegy). This happened in the month of feb which is appraisal month in the financial sector. After such a fall out the gap never filled , the differences remained between us and the revenge was taken in the form of bad rating. HE SHOWED ME just by the virtu of being my boss. In 7 years of my career first time i felt so helpless and i realised what a big mistake i did by joining the wrong company surrounded by classless bunch of people and therefore going through personality assassination and how i felt helpless to do anything about it until it was too late.

I had already gone in a negative mode and in best of my interest i quit after few months. This was not because i failed but because it was no more fun and there was nothing to loose. Post quitting i took a break with friends in London for 15 days and joined a bank where my profile required me to travel to Dehradun. Bingo!! this is where Mr Y also travelled as he was in charge of this area, so on one such occasion we meet and coincidentally we were staying in the same hotel. In the night after coming back from work we bumped into each other over dinner in the hotel restaurant where suddenly i felt a sea change in his behaviour. Till yesterday i was forbidden and instantly became appealing. suddenly everything changed , he showed concern , said sorry hundred times for my bad rating and misunderstandings and blamed everyone else other than him for the cause, he said he felt like hell for what i had gone through professionally. I quite puzzled, kept on wondering about his incarnation or was i foolish for not being able to understand some obvious things. After gossiping about all useless things he made a pass at me by asking if he can hold my hands .Gee!! what nonsense. He is married to a women who need help and he don’t care, infact he is using his wife to get sympathy in the similar fashion as from the famous hindi movie “Pati Patni aur who” where sanjiv kumar the husband falls in love and get married to vidya sinha. He eventually gets promotions/salary increase followed by infatuation towards his office colleague and in order to get her sympathy he gives her the story that his wife is terminally ill. 

Well then in this case he is the most selfish man in the world and i still feel sick, to this day. And yes, i walked back to my room without saying anything because for people like him no reaction is the best reaction.

My Dear Ladies!: Stop Violence Against Women

My Dear Ladies!: Stop Violence Against Women: Will begin with this video - BE AN ADVOCATE. STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. END THE SILENCE.- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpNwTt64J4w ...

Stop Violence Against Women

Will begin with this video -

BE AN ADVOCATE. STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. END THE SILENCE.-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpNwTt64J4w

Few latest news on crime against women post Delhi Gang rape of 23 year old - Nirbhaya on Dec 16th;

1.Swiss tourist in Orchid, Madhya Pradesh gang raped. 

2. A two-year-old girl was raped by a ward boy in Shajapur district in Madhya Pradesh while her mother was delivering another child

3.A 16-year-old girl from Moradabad set herself on fire after being allegedly molested by three boys. 

4.A 37-year-old woman who worked as a labourer got on a bus near Indore on Friday and was raped by the bus conductor.

5.A 24-year-old researcher pursuing a Ph. D. in nanotechnology was found murdered in her lab in Agra with multiple stab wounds. 

Acts of crime against women by so called our national Leaders:

6.U.P. has the maximum number of MLAs (8) who have declared that they have charges of crimes against women, followed by Orissa and West Bengal with 7 MLAs each.

7.In Lok Sabha 2009 Elections, political parties gave tickets to 6 candidates who declared that they have been charged with rape,

8.Former law minister Raghunath Mohanty  his wife, son and two other family members have been charged with dowry torture by his daughter-in-law Barsa Swony Choudhury.

Few statement on the same from the National leaders :

1. Asaram Bapu - “she should have taken God’s name and could have held the hand of one of the men and said i consider you as my brother and should have said to the other two ‘Brother i am helpless , you are my brother, my religious brother’. he also went on saying that “galti ek taraf se nahi hoti (mistake is not committed from one side).”

2. The Anjuman Muslim  Panchayat in Salumbur town in Rajasthan has decreed that girls should not use mobile phones outside their own homes or dance at weddings so that “they do not get involved with boys.” 

3. Mumbai Police Commissioner Satyapal Singh: “Countries with sex education in their curriculum only have an increased number of crimes against women.” (Indian Express)

4. Puducherry Education Minister T Thiagarajan, on making girls in the tropical southern city-wear overcoats so men won’t be driven mad with lust:

5. Congress MP Abhijit Mukherjee (son of President Pranab Mukherjee): “Those who claim to be students – I can see many beautiful women among them – highly dented-painted – they’re giving interviews on TV, they’ve brought their children to show them the scenes. 

6. Jitendar Chattar (leader of a Khap Panchayat): “To my understanding,  consumption of fast food contributes to such incidents. Chowmein leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts.”

7. Jamaat-E-Islami Hind (Islamist organisation). Statement released by Secretary General Nusrat Ali: "Co-education should be abolished" and proper education facilities meant exclusively for women should be available at all level of education. Educational institutions should prescribe sober and dignified dress for girls.” (Times of India)

C’mon are we living in some kind of Zoo ? Guess even that would have been better because here in India we don’t have any kind of bars for men unlike animals in the Zoo. Last week there was a big debate going on the Lok Sabha and all 24/7 Tv news channels on decreasing the age for consensual sex to 16 from 18 yrs , left me wondering than how come a boy at 16 yrs have consensual sex but will be declared juvenile if gets into an act of rape (completely double standards). Experts says that things can’t improve until there is substantial progress on socio - economic empowerment of women.

Call for an hour according to me - 

1.We have to stop being submissive and start saying NO and call it a halt to any kind of violence/force/threats/insult and not let it pass as one of the incidences.

2.Police reform should get replaced ASAP because it is still functioning under the Police Act of 1861 (Hello!! we are now living in 2013 - 20th century). They should not be praised for less case registered in their police station but should be evaluated on fast resolution on max cases registered.

3. Women helpline numbers should be handy with all the girls (1091 for Delhi) and should be functioning instead of showing busy, not able to connect etc e.g 181 which was launched post Nirbhaya case.

4. Every single women must believe in one-selves and then believe in others whose values match ours.

5. Education is the mother of all tool leading to empowerment which must be taken and used for the benefit of all which currently in my opinion belongs to a very tiny niche.

6.Rural women have to be giving opportunity of education, vocational courses and their own start-ups for financial independence to realise their fullest potential in the given opportunity.

PLEASE DONT ASK - what was she wearing ? what time was she out? was she drunk? was she with boys?  what did she do to instigate such an action? 

PLEASE ASK - where was the police? what were they doing? why was there no patrolling at that time? was the case registered immediately? what actions have been taken?

Few Positive Steps Taken:

1.The Cabinet on Thursday 15th March  approved the draft of a Bill that proposes stringent punishment for crimes against women. 

-minimum jail term of 20 years for rape that may be extended to the “natural life” of the convict in jail. 

-provision for the death sentence if the victim dies or is left in a “vegetative state” after the assault.

-The Bill defines stalking, voyeurism and acid attacks on women as criminal offences; voyeurism will be a bailable offence.

2.Nirbhaya fund with Rs 1000 crore which will be used for the development of women.

There is a story about a lioness, who was big with young, going about in search of prey; seeing a flock of sheep, she jumped upon them. she died in the effort and little lion was born , motherless. It was taken care of by the sheep and the sheep brought it up, and it grew up with them, ate grass, and bleated like the sheep. And although in time it became a big , full-grown lion, it thought it was a sheep.One day another lion came in search of prey and was astonished to find that in the midst of this flock of sheep was a lion, fleeing like a sheep at the approach of the danger.He tried to get near the sheep - Lion, to tell it that it was not a sheep but a lion; but the poor animal fled at his approach. However, he watched his opportunity and one day found the sheep - lion sleeping. he approached it and said “You are a Lion”. “I am a Sheep” , cried the other lion and and could not believe the contrary but bleated. The lion dragged him towards the lake and said, “Look here , here is my reflection and yours.” Then came the comparison. It looked at the lion and then at  its own reflection, and in the moment came the idea that it was a lion.The lion roared, the bleating was gone.

And on this note i would like to urge all the ladies out there to make your nerves strong. We need strength because this awful creepy thing is getting into our national blood and ridiculing everything.Therefore no more weeping and allowing others to treat us like objects. It is high time that we understand that the progress and prosperity of entire humanity/Nation depends in  the cooperation, participation and contribution of women in every activity of men EQUALLY. We are people so how can we be nothing? We are everything and ready to do everything. Period!

Empowering women through education

"Venus and Mars" is not even close at-least not in India because this country still doesn't belong to the women. here women are still second class citizens subjected to violence, labor, forced marriages etc as if they are properties and not human and answer to all these question lies in EDUCATION as this is the key to liberalisation, key to have a rational thinking rather than succumbing to the emotional tantrum which the society keep throwing on the women in the forms of various inequalities which begins from the family in most of the cases.

Education is the only tool to ensure that women live their god's given potential. 

women will not get empowered till the time parents change. They ought to start treating their son and daughters on the same scale and groom them to be responsible, equal and walk with their head held high.

we as parents must educate our daughters to liberate, be independent, kind , generous, sharing. In india it will take a long long time to reach this goal as we are 1 billion plus population and adding every second to it , but sadly education is so behind times. so it is the duty of "haves" men and women of the society to  ensure that "have nots" women get their due and best way to do so is through education.

Sometime i wonder what are we doing to our women? i.e to our mothers, daughters, sisters , wife,girlfriends and colleagues.Can you imagine life without them? Education will bring following required changes in women:

one, it will liberalize their minds and they will stop thinking that they are without power. They will get empowered and will start GIVING BACK in DOUBLE the amount better for good and worst for bad.

Two, studying is most enriching experience and will bring richer and deeper understanding of the world and life and this will start showing in the way our society will start shaping up.

Three, they will be courageous to say NO to the outdated men centric practices at their cost , will not allow submission and dominating relationship. e.g - they will not have a joint account with their husband out of guilt but will believe that they can contribute a part or even full of their salary in their HOME as long as it out of love and can't be forced to do so.

Last but not the least- once educated they will stop teetering at the edge and will start contributing to our families,society, government - which is indeed the need of the hour. 

World Bank has finished a remarkable study and proved that removing the obstacles in women's participation will increase world's GDP at times we know that we need it the most.World will be more prosperous and happy place to be in and this MUST be on high priority strategy agenda for economic and political development.

one message which must echo from this article is that women right is human right and human right is women right.Though we still have a long way to go to get women where they need to be to have enough women leadership. unfortunately women are still world's majority poor, uneducated, unhealthy and exposed to various kind of inhuman violence. 

Mistreating women in various forms, trying to control them by telling them where to go , how to dress ,talk, walk, controlling their lives and bodies always remains a mystery to me.

We  also need that all the women who have made it to the top must speak out and share their insights and each women's insight must be seen as uniquely hers just the way male leaders' insights are.The more we expect women to be token representatives of the entire class of women , the more we will hold them back. 

Each one of us need to be women in this world, A WOMEN whose story we have applauded and drawn inspiration from.

will end with a urdu couplet - 

“Tu jo bejaan khilonon se bahel jaati haiy

Tapti saanson ki haraarat se pighul jaati haiy

Paaon jis raah mein rakhti hai phisul jaati haiy
Bunkey seemaab hur ek zurf mein dhul jaati haiy
Zindagi jihad main hay sabar kay qabu main nahin.

Jannat ek aur hay jo murd kay pahloo main naheen.

Uski azaad ravish pur bhi machalna hay tujhey

Zeest key aahni saanchey main dhulna hai tujhey
Uth meri jaan mere saath hi chalna hai tujhey."

These verses are from the Urdu poem “Aurat" (Woman) written by the famous Urdu poet from India, Kaifi Azmi. What is remarkable is that Kaifi wrote this poem in the 1940s before the independence of India. In that era when the Indian society was very traditional and very much a man's world, such thoughts were almost unheard of. But then Kaifi was always decades ahead of his time.